The Power of Naps

Before nap:

ALL BAGGERS SHOULD BE CURB STOMPED! ERMAHGERD COLD ITEMS GO IN THE COOLER BAGS. DON’T PUT YOGURTS IN WITH THE CEREAL BOXES AND STUFF MY BAGS SO THEY BREAK! ERMAHGERD! WHY DO HUMANS THINK IT’S OK TO BREAK MY BAGS!

After nap:

…ok I suppose the baggers don’t need to be curb stomped….the bag was only 99 cents…

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Posted in Life

Mental Illness Up For Grabs

Can I just give someone my depression? Or rather all of my mental illness issues? I don’t want them anymore….well I never wanted them to begin with. What middle schooler decides ‘know what would be great to add to everything new and confusing I’m dealing with? Mental illness! Sign me up for that shit!’ If there is a small human who actually says that, please introduce them to me, so I can inject all my years of mental illness issues into that small shell of a robot….I would like to have a robotic arm in exchange. Can you imagine all the wicked cool Inspector Gadget things I could do?! Inspector Gadget was so much better than Sabrina the Teenage Witch…perhaps this is why I support robots so much? I mean robots are going to take over the world one day, I rather be on their good side. So random lady who paid with her phone on apple pay at panera bread, then complained at me for saying “robots will take over one day, are you ready?” you are probably going to be the first to be on the robots’ bad side.

That was a great way to start off this post. Perfect example how my mind works. Be upset with one thing, remember something great, followed by a memory that pissed me off…then smirk to myself in an empty room, because I’m ridiculous sometimes.

Onward to the main reason for writing this post.

I was talking to my therapist about how I believe one of the reasons I was in an abusive relationship to the point of getting pimp’d out, sexually molested, blaming myself then next day, having a panic attack in public, then getting matching tattoos with said guy who pimp’d me out… has to do with the people I surrounded myself with. I was close friends with 2 humans who weren’t the best humans to be around with all the time. I’ve mentioned them a couple times in past posts. The Testicle mainly is who was a horrible friend to me, if you can even call her a friend. She would say some of the nastiest things to me, but follow it up with “I say this because I care about you.” Her “friendship” got to the point where I would ask coworkers to insult me, because the words I was saying to myself over and over again, weren’t strong enough because I grew so used to them. Most of my coworkers would actually compliment me, but at the time I wouldn’t accept it, now thankfully I am grateful to those humans.

2015 was a tough year for me, I don’t remember any of it. I kind of remember bits and pieces, but not enough for me to say what happened each month. I’ll remember something, but it didn’t happen that year, it might have happened at the end of 2014, or the being of 2016. I never understood how humans can go black out drunk all the time, I blacked out for a year due to mental illness, looking back it’s one of the scariest events that happened to me.

When I dropped out of college in 2012, I deleted so many friends off my Facebook, because I was extremely ashamed of myself, I couldn’t graduate college, I was letting so many humans down. I felt useless, scared, and judged. Good thing I had The Testicle to be there for me continuing to make me feel worse by adding to the list of negatives. She told me I could only have cheese once a week. It got to the point where she was telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. So I ditched our friendship and never looked back. I chose cheese over her and it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. It’s probably up there with dropping out of college. I’m glad I dropped out of college when I did, because I was miserable when I wasn’t with my friends, in anime club, or following the albino squirrel on campus taking pictures, thus being late for one of my classes. It was probably math class… albino squirrels > math classes.

I’ve recently started adding back former classmates from high school, those who I was close to then. In the hopes that maybe we’ll become close again? I realize it might not happen, but I figured I would try anyway.

I want to apologize to the humans I’m recently adding back into my life, I’m sorry for the way I acted in high school and middle school. I had just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. If it’s something you can just forgive and forget about, I’m slightly jealous, I wish I had that super power, instead I constantly remember events that happened in elementary school through high school. I can’t do anything to help my past self, so of course that gives me a whoosh of depression.

To the humans who stuck up for me I thank you every day, even if it was something little, that they didn’t think meant anything. In elementary school I was being bullied for my weight, because of course I was. I remember one of the popular girls told me to stick my hands out, she told the bully to stick his hands out. “Shut up Charlie. Keely’s fingers are thinner than yours!” Charlie ended up mumbling something and walking away, the other girl did too, but I was so shocked that she would do that for me. She earned so much respect from me that day, and honestly I still give her so much respect. I looked up to her in the sense of her bravery and confidence, because height wise, I was the tallest in the class.

Another example was during a fire drill, my anxiety was skyrocketing, since fire drills did that to me all the time, I would be anxious to go to the bathroom because what would I do during a fire drill? Where would I go? I also didn’t want to miss anything in class, because there was never a good time to ask to go to the bathroom.
All the classes were lined up on the turf field when I hear the phrase “penis” be thrown out into the wind. The penis game was starting. Another human yelled “penis” soon a group of boys were seeing who could scream the phrase “penis” the loudest. Ryan Rahmati won that round. So thank you Ryan for making my anxiety decrease during that fire drill. I’ll never get to thank him in person for that. I missed my chance for that. I did tell his mom, which made her laugh so I’m glad I was able to pass that memory to her for when she needed a laugh. Ryan was one of the good guys, he never bullied me, which obviously earned him so much respect. My body was instantly numb when Birth Giver informed me of Ryan’s passing, I wasn’t fully present at work, I couldn’t walk over the 2 houses to his memorial at his parents’ house. I was able to give his family some coffee cake and espresso brownies that I had made, I walked those over a couple days after. My anxiety makes being in large crowds difficult, thankfully his mom understood. I wished it was Charlie who died instead, whenever I saw Ryan in passing on the bus, he looked so happy, I was proud for him. Rest in Peace Ryan Rahmati.

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

The Creeper’s Handbook aka This isn’t a Phase, Karen!

Everyone keeps asking, “why do you call yourself Potato?” There are lots of reasons, each new human I meet gets a different answer. My favorite reasons are: 1) I have too many chromosomes 2) I feel connected to Potato memes on Google. 3) Potatoes are awesome.

I was talking to Ginja last month about how I wrote a college final essay titled “The Creeper’s Handbook” I asked him for his email so I could send it to him to read, but he’s all “I’m very private, no one knows my email. Blah blah blah.” Psh typical. I was going to print it out for him to read, but then I had a better idea: I’ll put it on my blog.

I’m very awkward with crippling anxiety, still waiting for this phase to be over, but apparently this is my life meow. So why not add to the social awkward by putting an awkward essay on the internet.

Things to remember while reading:

  • Final Essay for a College class
  • My major was Creative Writing
  • I read some of this aloud to my class of 10 students
  • This is the only essay that I saved from my time in college.

December 7, 2011
WRT 250
Final Essay Portfolio
The Creeper’s Handbook

I’m sitting in my room with my two best friends, when suddenly my stomach rumbles, I look at the time, 8:30pm the dining hall has been closed for an hour, so the only options to go get something to eat are the Lodge or Hannaford’s, but since we don’t want to go drive to Hannaford’s at this time, we walk over to the Lodge and grab a sampler for the three of us to munch on. As we are walking over we can see that the moon is bright and full tonight. The weather isn’t that bad either, some snow on the ground, but most of it is melting, which I am so thankful for, since I don’t like the snow one bit. Or the cold that comes with it. Once we get inside of the Lodge we go order our food and pick out our drinks then go and sit down in the middle of the room, on those green comfy chairs. One of my friends mention that you are here tonight, I don’t see you right away, even though you are in my line of vision, sitting directly across from me. After a moment or two of me looking everywhere, I find you. I’m not going to wave at you because we’re not close at all, I’m more of the girl who just likes looking at you because you’re what I consider “eye candy.” I mention to my friends that I really want your picture, but I don’t think you will let me, so I’m going to take out my camera phone and take a picture that way, without you knowing about it. I look over to my left at one of my friends who is laughing at what I am doing, my friend on my right has her face in her hands, and we’re not being obvious at all. I pull out my phone with the camera in it and point out loudly that there is this text message that I just have to show my friends. I start pressing buttons, turning my phone on to vibrate, so that it won’t make that noise that says, “look here!” when I press the OK button to take the picture, and start setting the camera up. I start zooming in and I just about got the side of your face when you turn your head and I press the button, at the same time. My friends and I start cracking up laughing so hard, I look at my phone and I see your eyes staring right at me, it’s a good picture if I do say so myself. I don’t usually get such a great picture on the first try of the night, but I guess when you’ve been in the business as long as I have (about a year) you get better and better. I’m probably not going to keep this picture for more than a month, but the memory will be with me forever. I’m a full time student, but part time creeper.

The term creeper is slang for an eerie or weird person. There are a bunch of different definitions for the word creeper on Urban Dictionary, one of them being “a person who does weird things, such as staring at you for hours through a window. Usually a close friend or relative. You know right away if this person is a creeper or does creeper things, it’s not hard to spot a creeper.” Another definition of the word creeper is, “someone who views your profile multiple times without saying anything.” The second one is more of a definition for an online creeper, whereas the first definition is for a real life creeper. I guess I could put myself into both of those categories because when it comes to creeping on the Internet, I can honestly admit that if I’m on Facebook and you have your settings so that people can view your pictures, I will be one of those creepers that will look through all your pictures. As for some of the things that I do in real life creeping all I do is take pictures of random people that I find attractive. I don’t use a really high tech camera like some people would do; no I use my phone with a built in camera.

The term stalker has also has a lot of different meanings, Urban Dictionary has one definition being: a person obsessed with another to the point of insanity. Following one everywhere, calling constantly, not following restraining orders, collecting their hair in shower drains. Then another definition from Urban Dictionary is: real stalkers seek out beautiful, interesting, and often famous members of the attractive gender. I am not a stalker, and there is a difference between the two terms. Creeper is what I consider a very toned down version of Stalker, more like a kid friendly edition. Stalkers on the other hand are the people you want to watch out for. I’m not a stalker because stalking would be taking the creeping to the top and actually following the person everywhere, taking pictures of the person all the time, and giving them attention that they don’t want. For me creeping is just some fun game I like to do when I’m bored and I want to entertain myself. Sure I take pictures, but it’s not with over the top, when I do take these pictures it’s always with my phone with the built in camera. I also don’t have a shrine dedicated to these people that I take pictures of. That is just weird, even for me. I’m not the paparazzi or anything like that; I’m just a student with a little extra time on her hands.

I can guarantee that the word creeper is in every middle school student through college students’ vocabulary, and most of them use it in an everyday sentence. The group The Lonely Island probably has something to do with that, with one of their hit songs The Creep. The song is basically talking about how to creep on people and when to do it. One stanza of the song describes how to look like a creep: Well we got a new dance, so get up on your feet/It’s real easy to do and it’s called the creep/Let your hands flop round like a marionette/Pop your knees up and down shaking your neck/Now pull your waistband up like you expecting a flood/And stick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud/Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers/Put this in your speakers, you a certified creeper. The very last line of the song is, “don’t forget to smile.” For me I personally like this song, because I find it hilarious, and I know that all of The Lonely Island’s songs are joke songs, they make fun of people and things, creepers are one of those things to make fun of. The band Radiohead also has a song about being a creeper, their song is called Creep and the chorus of the song is this: But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. /What the hell am I doing here? /I don’t belong here. Although these songs are both about creepers, they are both also very different. Creep by Radiohead was released in 1992, and then nineteen years later The Creep by The Lonely Island was released.

The first time I ever creeped on someone was in college. Before that I was just a random person, who didn’t even think about creeping on people like I do now with my friends. There was this time in the 8th grade, where my science class had to write procedure piece essays, it could be on any “How to” essay we wanted it to be on. I had forgotten to bring in my essay that day to work on it in class, so I started a new one, well a fake one. It was something I could do that day and be productive at the same time, or so I thought. My title was “How to Become a Stalker” my teacher thought that it wasn’t appropriate and took it away before I got half a page done. I however, thought it was funny and entertaining, and I was technically following the directions to the assignment. I had the materials and then the first line of the procedure part. From what I remember the materials were these: binoculars, notebooks, writing implements, and most importantly a camera. For the first sentence of the procedure part it went along these lines, keep well hidden in the presence of your prey. I never finished writing that, I guess even I thought it was something too stupid to continue.

I remember the first time I ever creeped on someone was the fall semester of my freshman year of college. I was in the Lodge with one of my friends, and I noticed this sophomore guy who I thought was really attractive, my friend told me who he was, and for some odd reason I really wanted to have his picture on my phone. So I was thinking about how I was going to go on about doing this, when my friend said, “you know Keely, you could just pretend to show me something on your phone and then take the picture of him instead.” While my friend was saying this she was being sarcastic and laughing. Even though I knew this, I thought it was a great idea and did exactly what she told me, through a step-by-step process. When I finally got the picture I noticed two things wrong with the picture. 1) His back was turned to the camera, so I just got the back of his head. 2) His friend was staring directly into the camera. Which was really intimidating, so I deleted that picture, just as I was about to take another picture, he got up with his friends and left. That picture was just the beginning. Soon after I would begin bringing my camera to the dining hall and take pictures of people, sometimes I would forget that the flash was on. Next thing I would know, people would be staring in my direction with a confused, surprised, shocked look on their faces. At first I wouldn’t understand why this was, but then it dawned on me, most people don’t like having random candid pictures of them being taken as they’re eating. 

There are both pleasures and dangers of creeping. I’ll start with the dangers first, so you know what to watch out for.  One of the most dangerous things about creeping, is if you get caught you have to come up with a reason of why you were doing what you were doing. An example scene would be something such as: I see you across the quad, I’m near Ware, and you are by McKean Hall, thankfully none of your friends are with you. I’m glad because the group of you, you’re all just so intimidating. I want to get closer to you but there is a mass amount of open space and nowhere for me to hide, because I’m obviously not going to just walk up to you like a normal person would, no that’s just not how I function. I notice that you are walking towards Page Hall, I have to make my move, and it’s either now or never. I pretend that I got a new text message, look at my phone, sigh, turn around and start walking towards Sawyer Center. There’s a big, tall tree in the middle of both of us, I look behind me and make a dash for the tree, when I get there, and you start walking in a different direction. I get out my phone and switch it to the camera settings, the thing is though I forgot to turn the sound off, I don’t realize it until I take the picture and by then you are less than three feet away. I have no idea how you became that close to me, but you did. You hear the annoying, high-pitched voice that says. “Look here!” and you turn and are now facing me. You caught me red handed, I have the camera in my hands, lens facing you. I can think of only one option right now, and that is to run away. However you have something else in mind, you narrow your eyes and start closing the distance between us. Instead of running away, like I planned to do, I freeze up and shut my eyes, because if I can’t see you, then you can’t see me. “What are you doing?” You ask, and it’s those four words, which make me know, that I have been officially caught, I suppose there is a first time for everything, right?

That scene is just one of the many options that could happen, thankfully I have never been caught, as far as I know, I mean no one has ever come up to me and asked me, why I was taking their picture without their permission. Another danger than could happen, is that someone could mistake you for a stalker, and get a restraining order against you. That is much worse that having someone catch you taking a picture of him or her unexpectedly. 

I’ll end with the pleasures of creeping, because this essay should have a nice end to it. When I creep I’m usually with my friends, one of my friends said that we should have a name for the three of us, she came up with: The Creeper and the Creepettes. After she said this, all three of us started burst out laughing, this was because of a couple reasons. 1) We were all very giggly. 2) The name itself sounds ridiculous. I can imagine us with the color-coordinated shirts, and Creepette 1 and Creepette 2 written on my friends’ shirts, just like Thing 1 and Thing 2 for Dr. Seuss. We wouldn’t really walk around campus, like that. Honestly that sounds too ridiculous for even me. The pleasure about creeping with friends is that you can share all the memories together. You can joke about how it was funny that one time when you almost got caught, how you were so scared, but then something happened and you were able to get away safely, without someone noticing you. 

One of the pleasures that I remember doing is making a video with my friends. In spring of 2011 I joined an event on Facebook that was called National Hug a Tall Person Day. I went up to this one guy, in the dining hall, who was at least 6’ 2”, one of my friends calls him Tall Freak, because well he’s really tall. He was my first victim- I mean first person to ask if I could get a hug. When I walk up to him asking for a hug, only to get turned down. His reason? He’s not that tall. All this time my friends are recording me asking this guy is I could have a hug, at a nearby table. So my rejection is recorded on camera, and is also on YouTube, because I thought another way to remember these hilarious times is to put them on the Internet. 

I suppose I need to come up with new ways of creeping, since I explained every last one of them right here in this essay. However I don’t creep on unsuspecting people a lot, in fact I don’t remember the last time I creeped on a person. That’s how long it has been since I whipped my camera phone out and started taking pictures of people. I hope you found this paper interesting, and remember the golden rule it’s all fun and games, until someone gets caught, then it hilarious….Unless it is you, which in that case it is not funny at all.

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

Hot Sibling Started Making Moves on Science Lesbian, then we all ALMOST DIED!

This is a very delayed post, however most of my posts are so it’s whatever. On the 21st (last Saturday) I hosted a Mary Kay Pampering party I won it in a raffle. In February(?) I went to a bridal convention in the hopes that I would get lots of free pens and sample free cake, you know, as one does. I only grabbed 2 because there really wasn’t free pens. Total disappointment. Anyway I finally was able to host my party on April 21st, I gave out goodie bags to my guests they’re a prize for being social, and mainly because I love goodie bags!

On 4/20 (heh heh) aka the day before the party, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling (another friend added to the mix! She is Science Lesbian’s bf’s younger sister, so Hot Sibling, duh) arrived. (After the exchange of gifts since that’s what happens with Science Lesbian and myself.) I mentioned that it’s Restaurant Week in Vermont, and I wanted to go out to a place I haven’t been before. Hot Sibling was extremely up for that idea, since she had missed out on Restaurant Week in Maine…or New Hampshire…one of the two…she missed out on a different state’s Restaurant Week so she could make up for it in Vermont. We decided to go to Art’s Riot since they were offering a happy meal which was also came with a toy! A toy with a meal! I was totally in it for the toy.

With my helpful instructions on how to get to Art’s Riot, (“go gayly forward” “make a left” “continue gayly forward” “I don’t know the street names” “go that way”) we managed to find it. Then parking was the next adventure, instead of parking in a non sketchy spot, we chose the sketchiest spot in the area possible: next to a van parked by a river. Hot Sibling mentioned that we should move to a different spot because there was a guy sitting in the van staring at us. Science Lesbian started to back out of the spot and drive closer to the exit. As this was happening, I caught a glimpse of this guy, he was bald, and sitting in the back of the van. Not in the front of the van, or the driver’s seat, nope in the way back, just staring at us. This van was more like a mini camper if that helps you with visuals and such. I mentioned how I could chuck candy at him, in case he didn’t have any to offer. The candy I had was Easter caramel M&M’s, aka discount candy, the best kind!

Dinner was delicious, despite not coming with a toy. The dinner was almost ruined, except we all received a sticker instead of a toy! I gave our waitress stickers, because I am a sticker dealer. I left a note saying how the waitress should follow all of our Instagrams, labeling which account went with each of us, including a small description. “Potato-Sticker Dealer, Blonde with glasses, and Hot Sibling” We have yet to be followed by the cute waitress, my flirting is horrible…

Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling on the way over that she should ask me about interesting penis questions because I will then text Stranger Danger to find out the answer. I ask Stranger Danger all my important penis questions so Google doesn’t judge me. He’s very helpful with my Very Important Questions, (VIQs) I learn so much. The other tidbit Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling:

Science Lesbian: “We’re going to Vermont, Vermont has Ben & Jerry’s. Potato always has Ben & Jerry’s coupins.”
Hot Sibling: Is that a Vermont thing?
Science Lesbian: No, that’s a Potato thing.

During dinner I brought out my Ben & Jerry’s coupins to show off, since a scoop shop was a couple blocks away from our location.

On the way back to the car, I noticed a truck that I don’t remember being in the spot next to us, I asked if it was there before, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling informed me it was there before. As soon as I asked that the van by the river turned its headlights on as well as started the engine. The creepy fucker was going to murder us! Science Lesbian drove out of the sketchy parking lot, the creepy fucker in the van actually started to drive forward a bit too. I should mention, this van didn’t have license plates on. So there was a creepy fucker sitting in the backseat of an unmarked van by a river.

The three of us made it back to Potato Manor alive, but oh shit that was terrifying!

Here are two photos of Hot Sibling. Appelsin is photobombing the picture on the left.

 

The Mary Kay party was fabulous by the way.

~SirChangeling

My Mind Focuses on the Important Plot Lines

Me: Since vampires are dead, how can they get erections? I’ve been watching True Blood and I have questions, I figured you would know the answers since you are a demon and all.

Stranger Danger: That’s part of what they use the consumed blood for.

Me: Oh. Thanks for the info.

Me: If all vampires are very cold all the time, does that make me a vampire?

Stranger Danger: No. Correlation doesn’t imply causation.

Me: Ok good. Because I get dizzy at the sight of blood. I would be a horrible vampire.

~SirChangeling

 

Posted in Life

Happy 1st Birthday Appelsin!!

I made mint Oreo chezcake cupcakes in honor of my baby girl’s 1st birthday!!

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I don’t think I’ll make this recipe again, but I had to redo it because the first time I made them there was human error, totally on my end. I didn’t have the correct baking equipment. Ingredients: cream chez, eggs, sugar, creme de menthe, and mint Oreos. I’m not a fan of chezcake to begin with.

Here’s a recent photo of Appelsin, she likes sitting on this glass table shelf to show off her toe beans. She’s definitely become a little diva princess.

~SirChangeling

 

Posted in Life

Here’s to new friends and surviving

There has been so much that has happened since I last posted. Where to start? I made a new friend, (it’s very exciting) I played Sex Trivia with a group of friends at a lounge/bar. Our team name: Puss ‘n Boobs. We won 2 rounds, I was known as Cosmo Girl, because I read Cosmopolitan magazine and thus knew some of the answers to the questions. The pros of subscribing to a magazine for comedic relief.

I told my therapist that I’m no longer afraid of the feeling to be happy, because of the fear something bad will happen after. I told her how I don’t think I believe that anymore. But of course the next day after I say this I jinxed it. My sister is coming back home. I’m not excited, I’m not pleased, I feel as though life just bitch slapped me back into a hole. I just wanted the hole to swallow me, burying me into nothing. But then I remembered how horrible that feeling is, so of course I’ve been mentally fighting myself. A huge part of me wants my sister dead, a tiny part of me knows that my feelings will crush birth giver. The guilt of my very real feelings are eating me alive, I’ve had to take anxiety reducer tablets at night just so I can go to sleep. Last night I woke up covered in sweat because of how bad a nightmare was. (I haven’t had nightmares in awhile because of my sleep machine thing. I named it Babar and Russell.) Birth Giver told me how my sister has grown in the past 2 years as well as myself…I still farted throughout the day in the room she will be moving into. I specifically went into the room to fart.

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I’ll post a better thing another day. I just needed to post this.

~SirChangeling

P.S. My new friend and I have so much in common, we both don’t have souls. I sold mine to Satan, and he’s a Ginger.

Posted in Life

The Tea of the Day is: Cream of Earl Grey

Appelsin is such a buttface. I was trying peacefully look at Harry Potter fan theories and memes, when this little, clawed, fuzzy, ninja, indoor panther decides to attack my laptop from the bottom. I’m sitting on the couch with my right foot firmly on the floor, and my left foot crossed over onto my right knee, thus creating a small table for my laptop. The small space between my thunder thighs is just open enough so Appelsin can jump up and attack. So when I lift my laptop up, there is a small little kitten face staring at me. I can’t help but laugh because there is a pussy in between my legs.

I fucking hate the holidays. I keep asking Birth Giver if we can just cancel xmas. I’m not religious so I don’t give a shit about a “virgin” giving birth to some spawn of a god. Xmas always meant receiving presents, spending so much on gifts for others, and counting down the days until January 1st. I always feel like such a fucking brat on xmas, because I have my list and when I don’t get what I put on my list I feel horrible. Sometimes I have moments when I receive something I didn’t ask for, and am in awe of it. But that doesn’t happen too much.

I remember one year Birth Giver gave me this knitting circle thing. I guess I made such a face when I opened it. Birth Giver asked if I liked it, I responded “no” because I was told lying is bad. Apparently I wasn’t suppose to tell the truth either? The fucking asshat (abuser) started yelling at me saying I wasn’t suppose to tell Birth Giver that I didn’t like the gift she picked out for me. I don’t remember the year but it was at least 12 years ago. I still feel like it was recently. This is what the holidays do to me, bring up so much horrible memories. I hate decorating the house for the holidays I find it such a waste of time, plus I noticed that my anxiety skyrockets when I focus on the decorations. This past week I’ve had difficulty breathing when I was upstairs by the xmas tree. I don’t want there to be a reason for me to give gifts to those I care about, I rather give them as just because moments, or I saw this and thought of you moments.

I’m getting worked up again, but I needed to let out my thoughts. Appelsin is squeaky breathing, she’s not asleep, but breathing heavily enough that the air coming out of her snoot makes little squeaks. She’s now curled up in Orey’s bed. Stereotypical kitty. Orey is asleep on one of Birth Giver’s tote bags. He’s definitely a mama’s boy. My tea is delicious, so that helps my emotions, I guess.

On a slightly separate topic, how did the phrase “monsters under the bed” come to be socially acceptable? I never feared monsters under my bed, when I was young I would crawl under my bed to escape the monsters. As I grew, I couldn’t fit under my bed. Stupid Trisomy X Syndrome. When I would switch to different beds I couldn’t fit under those either, I would try hiding between my bed and the wall, but nothing seemed to protect me. I tried hiding in the closet too, but that would mean I would have to clean out all the shit I put in there when I was told to clean my room. When my parents divorced, I think I was the only one who was very excited over it. For years I would wish for them to get a divorce, I was terrified of the fucking asshat who claimed to be my father. I still don’t trust fatherly figures, yes I understand not all men are fucking asshats to their offspring, but there are some that are, and they terrify me. I guess I’m always on edge when I’m around young children because I get flashbacks of when I was a young tater tot and had to find ways to protect myself. (My eyes aren’t watering, yours are.)

When I’m with friends who have offspring, I desperately try to push away my memories and be in present moment. It’s difficult, so I guess that’s why I don’t go out in public a lot?

I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile, get it out of my head. I took a lot of motivation for me to do so, I’m glad I finally did get it out, perhaps some of the nightmares will leave my head too?

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

“You’re Basically Telling Me to Eat Shit.”

October has come and gone, because that’s just how time works. For Halloween this year, I was a repeat costume: white person in an informercial. It totally counts! …yes I drop things all year round, but on Halloween I get to really go for it. Potato Manor gave out glow sticks because we were the cool house of the neighborhood. The pack of glow sticks came with wands, glasses, headbands, bracelets, necklaces, rings, earrings….I think that was it? Ever since last year when my anxiety convinced me I was allergic to dairy, I realized that giving out toys is a much better idea than candy. When I was a young tot going trick or treating, one house gave coupins for bowling! I wonder if that is where my love of coupins came from?

Science Lesbian visited me for a couple days, it was amazing. Stranger Danger even visited too! So 2 out of my 3 close friends were in the same room with me at once! It was a comforting moment, that I unfortunately don’t get to experience often.

WOWBK: Words of Wisdom by Keely has been alive for 2 years! Well this blog anyway. I came up with the phrase WOWBK in 2013, I’ve been giving words of wisdom ever since I could speak.

Despite the constant nightmares of working on register, I think I have found a way to fight back. Well I hope so anyway. I see it as confronting my fears, but with an edible twist of humor, because that’s how I roll. Science Lesbian and I made a cake, not just any cake, a kitty litter cake. It was disgustingly fabulous. The cake was then delivered to my former job with a note attached saying “Remember when I had to work on register, despite having panic attacks? No hard feelings.”

I’m very proud of my swirly poop. The scoop was new, hence why the sticker was kept on as proof. Last time Science Lesbian visited, we made a boob gayke. Each time she visits we’re going to bake interesting cakes. It is decided! I’ll start a Pinterest board. Our lovely Litter Box was made of chocolate cake with almond buttercream, topped with crushed nilla wafers mixed with powdered sugar, then only the best poop shaped tootsie rolls. Such art!!!

The best time to deliver a kitty litter cake is when the health inspector is at the restaurant, followed by a bus. Timing is everything!

~SirChangeling

P.S. There was a pamphlet in Potato Manor’s door when I arrived home. A church was telling us to join. I told Birth Giver, “should I show up in my horns, asking if they accept friends of Satan?” Birth Giver did not reply….then again I was walking downstairs away from her as I was talking…

Posted in Life

My pumpkin chai is now cold it took me so long to write this

I’ve put off writing a blog post long enough, I had legit reasons for why, no motivation, depression increasing, extreme exhaustion, wrist pain, Appelsin sitting on me asleep and purring. I mean that last one I thought that I would never be able to move. Once a kitty lays down on you, you’re pretty much stuck in that position until they get up and leave. As the chosen bed for the world leader you can not get up. Just accept your fate and be proud. Appelsin is sitting next to me as I type this up. Orey is on my shoulder laying on the back of the couch looking out the window…he was there first, then I sat down so of course he had to lean onto my shoulder for support. He’s tubby, which may or may not be my fault, I give him treats because he gives me *those* faces. When I don’t give him a treat, I avoid his eyes, he follows me, continuing to stare at me until I cave. I end up going downstairs where he can’t follow me. We have an understanding, which is why his nickname is Tubby.

Orey just moved to the other side of the couch, I think he can read, he didn’t like the Tubby comment.

I believe it was last month I had this great idea to write a blog post, but I never did. So I’ll write it now.

To set the scene I dropped out of college in the fall of 2012, I lasted 2 years and a week and a half at Colby-Sawyer College. I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did honestly, I had lots of difficulty, not just with the work, but also my mental health. Campus Security was called on me at least twice. One time was because I cut myself with scissors, I didn’t have any plastic knives near me, which was my go to choice, because I couldn’t bring myself to use metal. A former friend called the heath center on me. Another time was because I turned my phone off so Birth Giver ended up calling Campus Security on me, having Campus Security knock on my dorm room was incredibly embarrassing, how I lasted another year was beyond me. This all happened my Freshman year.

I tried really hard in college, a lot of it I didn’t understand. When I would go to the tutoring place I didn’t ask more questions when I should have because I felt guilty for still not understanding the material after it was explained a bunch of times already. I liked some of my classes, but the material didn’t stick in my head. So when the exams came around I would always draw a blank on the answers.

I loved hanging out with my friends, and being in the clubs, I remember I told an upperclassman that I felt like I was at a summer camp the first week. I was having fun, perhaps I’m really good at pretending everything is okay when really it’s not? My Soul Mate in Friend Form was the first one to tell me how college isn’t for everyone. She was there for me during my multiple break downs, particularly one in the library. It was finals and I had waited till the last week because of course I did. I was in the basement of the library trying very hard to hold in a massive panic attack. This was Sophomore year.

I left during Junior year a week and half in, I already missed 2 days worth of classes, I couldn’t leave my room. My depression was getting worse by the minute. I felt extremely guilty being on my friend’s “Worst Roommates List” she hadn’t said anything to me about this, but I just knew I was on there. Plus my grandmother went to Colby-Sawyer College, she was so proud of me getting accepted that I didn’t want to leave or disappoint her. So I continued to suffer because I didn’t want to be the family disappointment.

When I got home I deleted so many college friends off of my Facebook. I was so ashamed for having to leave due to my mental health that I didn’t want to burden my friends. It’s been 5 years since I dropped out. I’m proud of my friends who have graduated, I’m upset that I burned those bridges with some friends, I can’t just “add friend” to a bunch of them because that’s just how I am as a Potato.

For a while whenever my depression and surprise bag of mental illness started to increase (usually around August) I would delete friends off of Facebook because of the fear, embarrassment, guilt, all around depression of not wanting to be a burden to everyone. Then in the Spring I would add them back, or try to. I would also just give up on the adding back, because of the thought of how obnoxious it must be to be deleted then added back.

There was another topic I wanted to do, but I forget what it was, plus this topic took a lot out of me, but it also feels powerful to finally let it out. As I was writing this post outside my window was moving day for a family of squirrels. I watched as Momma squirrel carried at least 3 baby squirrels out of a tree hole, one by one, moving them to another tree out of view from the window. I grabbed some photos and a video.

Left: Momma Squirrel is guarding the tree hole with baby squirrels inside.
Right: Momma Squirrel totally sees me

~SirChangeling