Posted in Life

Hot Sibling Started Making Moves on Science Lesbian, then we all ALMOST DIED!

This is a very delayed post, however most of my posts are so it’s whatever. On the 21st (last Saturday) I hosted a Mary Kay Pampering party I won it in a raffle. In February(?) I went to a bridal convention in the hopes that I would get lots of free pens and sample free cake, you know, as one does. I only grabbed 2 because there really wasn’t free pens. Total disappointment. Anyway I finally was able to host my party on April 21st, I gave out goodie bags to my guests they’re a prize for being social, and mainly because I love goodie bags!

On 4/20 (heh heh) aka the day before the party, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling (another friend added to the mix! She is Science Lesbian’s bf’s younger sister, so Hot Sibling, duh) arrived. (After the exchange of gifts since that’s what happens with Science Lesbian and myself.) I mentioned that it’s Restaurant Week in Vermont, and I wanted to go out to a place I haven’t been before. Hot Sibling was extremely up for that idea, since she had missed out on Restaurant Week in Maine…or New Hampshire…one of the two…she missed out on a different state’s Restaurant Week so she could make up for it in Vermont. We decided to go to Art’s Riot since they were offering a happy meal which was also came with a toy! A toy with a meal! I was totally in it for the toy.

With my helpful instructions on how to get to Art’s Riot, (“go gayly forward” “make a left” “continue gayly forward” “I don’t know the street names” “go that way”) we managed to find it. Then parking was the next adventure, instead of parking in a non sketchy spot, we chose the sketchiest spot in the area possible: next to a van parked by a river. Hot Sibling mentioned that we should move to a different spot because there was a guy sitting in the van staring at us. Science Lesbian started to back out of the spot and drive closer to the exit. As this was happening, I caught a glimpse of this guy, he was bald, and sitting in the back of the van. Not in the front of the van, or the driver’s seat, nope in the way back, just staring at us. This van was more like a mini camper if that helps you with visuals and such. I mentioned how I could chuck candy at him, in case he didn’t have any to offer. The candy I had was Easter caramel M&M’s, aka discount candy, the best kind!

Dinner was delicious, despite not coming with a toy. The dinner was almost ruined, except we all received a sticker instead of a toy! I gave our waitress stickers, because I am a sticker dealer. I left a note saying how the waitress should follow all of our Instagrams, labeling which account went with each of us, including a small description. “Potato-Sticker Dealer, Blonde with glasses, and Hot Sibling” We have yet to be followed by the cute waitress, my flirting is horrible…

Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling on the way over that she should ask me about interesting penis questions because I will then text Stranger Danger to find out the answer. I ask Stranger Danger all my important penis questions so Google doesn’t judge me. He’s very helpful with my Very Important Questions, (VIQs) I learn so much. The other tidbit Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling:

Science Lesbian: “We’re going to Vermont, Vermont has Ben & Jerry’s. Potato always has Ben & Jerry’s coupins.”
Hot Sibling: Is that a Vermont thing?
Science Lesbian: No, that’s a Potato thing.

During dinner I brought out my Ben & Jerry’s coupins to show off, since a scoop shop was a couple blocks away from our location.

On the way back to the car, I noticed a truck that I don’t remember being in the spot next to us, I asked if it was there before, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling informed me it was there before. As soon as I asked that the van by the river turned its headlights on as well as started the engine. The creepy fucker was going to murder us! Science Lesbian drove out of the sketchy parking lot, the creepy fucker in the van actually started to drive forward a bit too. I should mention, this van didn’t have license plates on. So there was a creepy fucker sitting in the backseat of an unmarked van by a river.

The three of us made it back to Potato Manor alive, but oh shit that was terrifying!

Here are two photos of Hot Sibling. Appelsin is photobombing the picture on the left.


The Mary Kay party was fabulous by the way.


Posted in Life

Here’s to new friends and surviving

There has been so much that has happened since I last posted. Where to start? I made a new friend, (it’s very exciting) I played Sex Trivia with a group of friends at a lounge/bar. Our team name: Puss ‘n Boobs. We won 2 rounds, I was known as Cosmo Girl, because I read Cosmopolitan magazine and thus knew some of the answers to the questions. The pros of subscribing to a magazine for comedic relief.

I told my therapist that I’m no longer afraid of the feeling to be happy, because of the fear something bad will happen after. I told her how I don’t think I believe that anymore. But of course the next day after I say this I jinxed it. My sister is coming back home. I’m not excited, I’m not pleased, I feel as though life just bitch slapped me back into a hole. I just wanted the hole to swallow me, burying me into nothing. But then I remembered how horrible that feeling is, so of course I’ve been mentally fighting myself. A huge part of me wants my sister dead, a tiny part of me knows that my feelings will crush birth giver. The guilt of my very real feelings are eating me alive, I’ve had to take anxiety reducer tablets at night just so I can go to sleep. Last night I woke up covered in sweat because of how bad a nightmare was. (I haven’t had nightmares in awhile because of my sleep machine thing. I named it Babar and Russell.) Birth Giver told me how my sister has grown in the past 2 years as well as myself…I still farted throughout the day in the room she will be moving into. I specifically went into the room to fart.




I’ll post a better thing another day. I just needed to post this.


P.S. My new friend and I have so much in common, we both don’t have souls. I sold mine to Satan, and he’s a Ginger.

Posted in Life

“You’re Basically Telling Me to Eat Shit.”

October has come and gone, because that’s just how time works. For Halloween this year, I was a repeat costume: white person in an informercial. It totally counts! …yes I drop things all year round, but on Halloween I get to really go for it. Potato Manor gave out glow sticks because we were the cool house of the neighborhood. The pack of glow sticks came with wands, glasses, headbands, bracelets, necklaces, rings, earrings….I think that was it? Ever since last year when my anxiety convinced me I was allergic to dairy, I realized that giving out toys is a much better idea than candy. When I was a young tot going trick or treating, one house gave coupins for bowling! I wonder if that is where my love of coupins came from?

Science Lesbian visited me for a couple days, it was amazing. Stranger Danger even visited too! So 2 out of my 3 close friends were in the same room with me at once! It was a comforting moment, that I unfortunately don’t get to experience often.

WOWBK: Words of Wisdom by Keely has been alive for 2 years! Well this blog anyway. I came up with the phrase WOWBK in 2013, I’ve been giving words of wisdom ever since I could speak.

Despite the constant nightmares of working on register, I think I have found a way to fight back. Well I hope so anyway. I see it as confronting my fears, but with an edible twist of humor, because that’s how I roll. Science Lesbian and I made a cake, not just any cake, a kitty litter cake. It was disgustingly fabulous. The cake was then delivered to my former job with a note attached saying “Remember when I had to work on register, despite having panic attacks? No hard feelings.”

I’m very proud of my swirly poop. The scoop was new, hence why the sticker was kept on as proof. Last time Science Lesbian visited, we made a boob gayke. Each time she visits we’re going to bake interesting cakes. It is decided! I’ll start a Pinterest board. Our lovely Litter Box was made of chocolate cake with almond buttercream, topped with crushed nilla wafers mixed with powdered sugar, then only the best poop shaped tootsie rolls. Such art!!!

The best time to deliver a kitty litter cake is when the health inspector is at the restaurant, followed by a bus. Timing is everything!


P.S. There was a pamphlet in Potato Manor’s door when I arrived home. A church was telling us to join. I told Birth Giver, “should I show up in my horns, asking if they accept friends of Satan?” Birth Giver did not reply….then again I was walking downstairs away from her as I was talking…

Posted in Life

My pumpkin chai is now cold it took me so long to write this

I’ve put off writing a blog post long enough, I had legit reasons for why, no motivation, depression increasing, extreme exhaustion, wrist pain, Appelsin sitting on me asleep and purring. I mean that last one I thought that I would never be able to move. Once a kitty lays down on you, you’re pretty much stuck in that position until they get up and leave. As the chosen bed for the world leader you can not get up. Just accept your fate and be proud. Appelsin is sitting next to me as I type this up. Orey is on my shoulder laying on the back of the couch looking out the window…he was there first, then I sat down so of course he had to lean onto my shoulder for support. He’s tubby, which may or may not be my fault, I give him treats because he gives me *those* faces. When I don’t give him a treat, I avoid his eyes, he follows me, continuing to stare at me until I cave. I end up going downstairs where he can’t follow me. We have an understanding, which is why his nickname is Tubby.

Orey just moved to the other side of the couch, I think he can read, he didn’t like the Tubby comment.

I believe it was last month I had this great idea to write a blog post, but I never did. So I’ll write it now.

To set the scene I dropped out of college in the fall of 2012, I lasted 2 years and a week and a half at Colby-Sawyer College. I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did honestly, I had lots of difficulty, not just with the work, but also my mental health. Campus Security was called on me at least twice. One time was because I cut myself with scissors, I didn’t have any plastic knives near me, which was my go to choice, because I couldn’t bring myself to use metal. A former friend called the heath center on me. Another time was because I turned my phone off so Birth Giver ended up calling Campus Security on me, having Campus Security knock on my dorm room was incredibly embarrassing, how I lasted another year was beyond me. This all happened my Freshman year.

I tried really hard in college, a lot of it I didn’t understand. When I would go to the tutoring place I didn’t ask more questions when I should have because I felt guilty for still not understanding the material after it was explained a bunch of times already. I liked some of my classes, but the material didn’t stick in my head. So when the exams came around I would always draw a blank on the answers.

I loved hanging out with my friends, and being in the clubs, I remember I told an upperclassman that I felt like I was at a summer camp the first week. I was having fun, perhaps I’m really good at pretending everything is okay when really it’s not? My Soul Mate in Friend Form was the first one to tell me how college isn’t for everyone. She was there for me during my multiple break downs, particularly one in the library. It was finals and I had waited till the last week because of course I did. I was in the basement of the library trying very hard to hold in a massive panic attack. This was Sophomore year.

I left during Junior year a week and half in, I already missed 2 days worth of classes, I couldn’t leave my room. My depression was getting worse by the minute. I felt extremely guilty being on my friend’s “Worst Roommates List” she hadn’t said anything to me about this, but I just knew I was on there. Plus my grandmother went to Colby-Sawyer College, she was so proud of me getting accepted that I didn’t want to leave or disappoint her. So I continued to suffer because I didn’t want to be the family disappointment.

When I got home I deleted so many college friends off of my Facebook. I was so ashamed for having to leave due to my mental health that I didn’t want to burden my friends. It’s been 5 years since I dropped out. I’m proud of my friends who have graduated, I’m upset that I burned those bridges with some friends, I can’t just “add friend” to a bunch of them because that’s just how I am as a Potato.

For a while whenever my depression and surprise bag of mental illness started to increase (usually around August) I would delete friends off of Facebook because of the fear, embarrassment, guilt, all around depression of not wanting to be a burden to everyone. Then in the Spring I would add them back, or try to. I would also just give up on the adding back, because of the thought of how obnoxious it must be to be deleted then added back.

There was another topic I wanted to do, but I forget what it was, plus this topic took a lot out of me, but it also feels powerful to finally let it out. As I was writing this post outside my window was moving day for a family of squirrels. I watched as Momma squirrel carried at least 3 baby squirrels out of a tree hole, one by one, moving them to another tree out of view from the window. I grabbed some photos and a video.

Left: Momma Squirrel is guarding the tree hole with baby squirrels inside.
Right: Momma Squirrel totally sees me



Posted in Life

Apparently it’s August

July was a blur, on the 21st Birth Giver and I went to the Great Escape in Lake George, NY. She won free tickets so of course I took the day off from work, to go to an amusement park. The last time I remember going to an amusement park such as the Great Escape was in the 6th grade. I had to get over my fear of automatic flushing toilets, it was either that or pee myself, which in 6th grade is good enough reason to move states. However seeing as that wasn’t an option, plus my bladder was going to explode on me, I had to sit on the toilet and hope I wouldn’t get flushed away when the toilet automatically flushed. Obviously I didn’t get flushed down.

Facebook told me it’s SMIFF’s birthday, like I’m some kind of peasant who doesn’t know the anniversary of when my Soul Mate In Friend Form graced Earth with her presence. She’s 102 according to her Facebook settings. She’s a burger throwing badass so don’t mess with her. (Haha she’ll love that sentence)

I got a kitten in May, I didn’t write a post about her because every time I would ask if she was ready to be exploited on my blog she mewed and ran off. I took that as a “not yet.” We bonded the moment I held her in the store. She fit in my shirt pocket and snuggled into one of my chest pillows. She was still too tiny so I couldn’t bring her home that day, I told her to eat lots, so she’ll be big enough that I can bring her home. As soon as I put her back in the play pen she went right for her food dish.

She hasn’t left my side since the day Birth Giver brought her home to me. She was my 25th birthday present, I don’t think anyone can beat her for the best gift…just saying! I named her Appelsin, which means “orange” (as in the fruit) in Danish. I named my mostly black kitty orange. I was looking for an orange tabby, but when I met Appelsin, we both connected instantly. I’ve had really good luck with black animals in the past. Boobsie is a tuxedo kitty, Orey is black and white, Winnie was black with white markings, and now Appelsin who is all black with a tiny white spot on her chest as well as her belly. I like booping her white spot on her belly….my battle wounds are worth it.

My Instagram @changelingderp has pictures of Appelsin. I love the tag #appelsin on Instagram. Pictures and videos of fruit with sprinkles of pictures and videos of a little black kitty.

My depression has been on the lower side lately, but I’ve been trying to stay positive. Doctor visits, therapy, as well as snuggles with Boobsie and Appelsin are helping.

I wanted to make an update blog post so I didn’t continue feeling bad about myself. I changed the layout, which is pretty much equivalent to making 5 new posts.

As summer is ending, I’m very excited to see all the back-to-school merchandise out. I absolutely hated school, but I loved seeing all the new, cute stationery in stores. Now that I’m not in school, I can soak in the love of cute stationery without the fear of going back to school. I’m not a supporter of telling kids to stay in school, I wanted to drop out in elementary school. That didn’t happen, so I waited for middle school, it didn’t happen. High school was the breaking point, I have no idea how I survived high school. College was fun until I realized that I had to do work…I just wanted to go to the clubs, meet new friends, and buy cute stationery. By clubs I mean anime club, not clubs as in alcohol, skimpy clothing, with loud techno.




Posted in Life

Is December Over Yet?

I’ve been trying my best just to get through December, I’m not sure how well that’s going, because I just want to live in my bed and never leave. My bed is very comfy, as well as warm (I love my heated mattress pad) plus there’s usually a cat or a dog on my bed at any given moment. For example, Orey is snoring next to me.

My depression becomes increasingly worse throughout the winter, and in December it just feels extremely painful and difficult to do anything. Holidays always give me major anxiety, not that I need it with my daily crippling anxiety…I’ve been dreading xmas 2016 since xmas 2015. I don’t see the point of the holiday I’m not religious, and I don’t see the need to visit extended family or Skype even. I told my Birth Giver in November 2015 that I don’t want to see my extended family for at least 5 more years. I saw them this past summer. Birth Giver told me that she misses going down to NJ to visit family each year, because xmas time is the best with seeing family and whatnot. Going to NJ was always a hassle for me. Long car ride, seeing family for too long, not being able to escape to my room for safety. I would be in a guest room, but that’s not my room, and foreign rooms don’t have that much safety feeling. Plus xmas time was very stressful growing up. My abuser aka my dad would always make putting up the tree the worst thing ever. I remember there was always yelling, and I would end up crying and running away, sometimes I would be slapped for “talking back” or trying to explain my side of things through tears and snot. I’m extremely thankful that my parents got a divorce when they did. I wish it was sooner though, I remember calling my brother one night, he was away at college. I was crying telling him how terrified I was that our parents were yelling, I was afraid that our dad would come into my room and hit me. So I was hiding in my closet, hoping to be invisible.

I have daddy issues, along with other issues. I suppose that’s why I have a love for morbid dark humor.

My allergist appointment showed that I am not allergic to dairy, instead my crippling anxiety convinced me that I was. So from the end of April-beginning of December I was convinced that I was allergic to dairy because of my anxiety. Life with dairy again has been good, skim milk is delicious! I missed the taste of skim milk. Cheese is a wonderful thing. The carrot cupcakes at my work are extremely flavorful!

As I write this post, I’m very out of it, my depression is bad, I’m lonely all the time, I have ptsd flashbacks and nightmares when I sleep, so I don’t want to sleep, but I need to sleep. To make matters worse I stopped visiting former coworkers, because every time I would visit this one fucker would remind me how last winter I had an anger attack and threw a dishpan at him. Needless to say I had so much guilt bubbling inside me, I was afraid to go back to the cafe, I was afraid to face my former coworkers. Anger attacks are the worst for me, I don’t have control over my body or actions. I don’t like having these types of mental breakdowns in public, so to know that a bunch of former coworkers saw me like that, I don’t feel safe going back. Chances are I’m going to be reminded how I threw a dishpan at someone. I was told I’m never going to live that down. My therapist mentioned how I need to forgive myself for that moment, and I thought I did, but now I’m not sure. I told myself that he deserved it, because that night he was being a real jerk, hiding my drink on me, untying my apron, being obnoxious to a ticking time bomb he had it coming. Then to remind me (once my mental health was getting better) how unstable and broken I was. I just feel like crying all the time, sometimes tears don’t run down my face, my eyes hurt too much to create the relief of tears. (Bobo is sitting in my lap purring, since he knows I’m upset. Orey is still next to me snoring.)

I usually reread my posts, take out all the times I typed “and” swap it for a different word, but I can’t do it this time. I forgot what else I was going to put in this post. Despite how difficult this month is the rest of my year has been excellent. I’m trying to stay positive, so sending dank memes to Science Lesbian, Queersaders, SMFF, and Stranger Danger. As well as avoiding my former work place, which has been hard because I miss seeing the other employees…but for my mental health I can’t go there for awhile.

15725987_1692807790744829_1839735425_oDerpy smile in this photo. Bobo bought me this huge can of pumpkin that was on clearance. So now I have 12 cans of pumpkin puree and a massive can of pumpkin puree.

Life is difficult this season, but I do know I have friends, humans, and animals that do care about me.


Posted in Life

Insert Cliché Title Because Of The Holiday

Quick Update: The gingerbread cookies at my work are not made with shortening, instead they are made with butter. Which explains the extreme pain I was in 2 days after I ate the cookie.
“Was the cookie good?” One of the bakers asked me, after she informed me they had butter.
“Well there is your dairy intake for the rest of the year.”

I’m surprised with my self control of not eating any of the noms from work…then again I know how much pain I would be in and that’s not worth it. The last time I was proud of my self control, was when I was 14, a girl told me to beat her with a tennis racket because she knew I hated her. I have anger issues, but to be able to tell her to “fuck off” and just walk away instead of beating the shit out of her is one of those moments that I still have no idea how I was able to choose to walk away.

….Anyway Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for my Soul Mate in Friend Form. I love how I can send her offensive dank memes, since we share the love for dark humor.

I am also thankful for the Science Lesbians, and the younger sister of Psychology Lesbian, and the four of us become Queersaders.

Stranger Danger, who never reads my blog, gets a huge amount of my thankfulness. Seeing how he met me when I was off my meds (again) at an extreme low point of my life, but stuck with me and is there for me….I’m not crying, you’re crying.

To my other close friends, I’m thankful for you too, I just don’t want to type it all out…mainly because it doesn’t matter, since they know who they are and how much they mean to me.



Posted in Life

I Have Not Abandoned This Blog! Here’s An Update As Proof.

I have been at my job as a baker’s assistant for over a month now, it’s been amazing so far. I actually want to go to my job to do my job duties. At other jobs it was just to see coworkers, as well as get those hours to receive a paycheck. However now the paycheck is a bonus! This job has everything I love to do: washing dishes, prepping, learning tips & tricks, plus cutting out cookies! I’m not baking anything, but I’m prepping cookies on the baking sheets, then once they are cooled I’m putting them on trays to display for the customers. Plus limited customer interaction!!

I’ve noticed that I’m losing some weight again, which yes can be seen as exciting, but not when it means that my jeans slowly fall down when I walk. My biggest annoyance with losing weight is that clothes don’t fit as well as they once did. Two years ago when this happened I decided to eat McDonalds for a couple meals to gain the weight back so my jeans would fit again. When I mentioned this to coworkers I received wtf looks. I can’t wear belts, because I am allergic to the nickel on the metal. I’ve tried the belts without the metal, but they don’t hold my pants up.

I found out that there are two cookies at my job that I can eat, because they are dairy free! The French Macaroons and the gingerbread people. How I found out I can eat the gingerbread people:
“Do you like gingerbread cookies? I don’t.” My boss asked.
“Yes, if there is not dairy in the cookies I can.”
*I looked at the recipe and saw that they were made with shortening and not butter!*
“Not that I need a reason to eat a gingerbread cookie, but what was the reason you asked?”
“They taste fresh enough right?”
“Yes. They’re delicious.”

A couple weeks ago an order was placed for 1,000 gingerbread people not decorated for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We had made over 500 cookies when the customer claimed she never confirmed the order. So at the bakery there are 4 boxes of cookies in the freezer, in each box is around 11 bags with a dozen cookies in each bag.

The other day I was told pictures of my cat have been filling up a friend’s Facebook news feed. I told them they should be honored.

It’s currently 6am at the moment, so I need to finish my tea, get dressed and ready to leave. I need to be at work to clock in at 7am. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, due to waking up from being too hot or too cold or both at the same time. Yesterday it was 58 degrees, I was freezing cold, but too cold to get out from my blanket burrito to put on my winter jacket. I have obnoxious allergies.

Oh here’s some examples why I carry googely eyes with me:



Posted in Life

When a baker misses a spot sweeping, I point it out…because I’m the assistant baker.

“How is molasses spelled?”
I recently got a job! I’m a baker’s assistant! This is a perfect job for me, I’m excited to go to work, and learn more about working in a bakery. For once I actually feel like I deserve getting paid for my job. It’s an unreal feeling, with my past 3 jobs I never felt like I deserved the paycheck. That could be because of my depression and other mental illness surprise box issues, but looking back I still don’t think I deserved getting the money for the jobs. I put a lot of hard work into my jobs, but I never felt noticed enough for the hard work….probably because of severe depression…

Today marks that I have had my blog for a year! It’s a nice accomplishment, I never thought that I would actually have followers. I started the blog as a way to escape both my mind and reality. It can be so noisy in my mind, and reality can be exhausting, so by blogging, I figured I can rant my thoughts out to anyone that wanted to listen. Watching the number of “humans creeped on this blog” increase has been very exciting! Having friends tell me that my blog has helped them, is incredible. Just what the whaaaat? Really? Whoa. I’ve been told that I have a great voice in writing, but my birth giver told me that, it was getting to the point where I was questioning if she was just saying that since she birthed me? Then friends were telling me that I’m a really great writer, but still I was questioning, is it because they’re my friends so of course they tell me my writing is great…I really am my biggest critic, for writing as well as the baked noms I make.

I was able to take this picture featuring Bobo. This is what success looks like, it has taken me at least 8 years or so to get a photo like this with my world leader. He’s not a fan of photos, but he was on my lap sleeping when I decided to try once more. He ran off after this photo, but there was about 6 tries before this magical photo was created.

I’ve seen so many memes about how 2016 has been a horrible year, but I strongly disagree. I don’t want to say that I’m happy, because I will end up jinxing myself somehow…so I’m a strong content. I still have days where my depression is stronger, or my anxiety has a surge, so deep breathing doesn’t decrease the attacks, but for the most part I’m doing alright.

One of my strong complaints at the moment is that my allergy to dairy is obnoxious. I work in a bakery, 3 days a week for 5 hours. So that being said I’m surrounded by butter, milk, creamer, sour cream, cheeses, and so much dairy! I wear gloves, I’m washing my hands, I’m changing my gloves constantly, and yet I’m still having to flee to the bathroom because of the pain I’m in. Which usually comes with the anxiety of being scared of what if I have to give up this job? I then tell myself: “Fuck that noise!”

I worked earlier today, so that meant I had to wake up around 5:30am so I could arrive at the bakery a few minutes before 8am (when I had to clock in) I clocked out around 1:20pm, when I arrived back to Potato Manor (my house) I flopped on my bed and soon passed out. It’s exhausting work, but I love it so much. Plus that much interaction with humans tires me out. I am an introvert, so I need time to recharge after being in public. Which means I grab some snacks, something to drink, my baby…aka MacBook Pro, wait for Bobo to take up a good chunk of my queen size bed, and just relax. If something is too far for me to reach, well that sucks for me. I’ll try to parkour it, by seeing how far I can stretch to get it without having to leave my bed, but also not dying since the floor is lava.

The best way to hang out with my friends is sitting near each other on our phones, computers, reading books, just relaxing in each other’s company. My SMFF and I will sit in the same room and send dank memes or funny videos to each other on our phones. I love being next to a friend when they are reading or on their computer, or if I’m really lucky I get to watch them play video games. I love watching my friends play video games, it’s like listening to someone talk about something they love. It’s wonderful.

I’m exhausted still…but I wanted to do a blog post today because of it being a year ago I started this blog.

I made this meme a while ago.
A sleeping Trash Panda…aka me with makeup on that I forgot to take off.


Posted in Life

Title: TBD

I hate the fall season. At first it was only winter that I hated. But I hate fall too. Whenever asked what my favorite season was I would answer summer. I am one of those humans that prefers to be sweating than be freezing. Sometimes it gets to the point where I am way too hot to move but then I remember ‘at least I don’t have hives right now.’ Plus if I wait long enough my sweat will dry and I’ll be freezing and in a sweatshirt shivering. In summer I get to experience all the seasons! The pros/cons of being allergic to cold weather.

Yesterday it was in the 50’s I was summoned to go over to my former job and visit. I also made some pumpkin chocolate chip bread. So I was bringing some of that over to share. I actually texted Blue Gigglez to see when he was working, because he loves that bread and I love seeing other humans happy when I present them with my noms. It makes me feel useful in life. And with it being Autumn right now, feeling useful is a good thing for me. The walk which took about 5 songs was nice and upsetting. Nice because I like walking places, I listen to my iPod (Peeves) while having a lip sync battle with myself, you never know when you will get invited to have a lip sync battle with Jimmy Fallon. I’m in it to win it. I’ve been doing this since 2010ish or anytime I walked to work, a bus stop, goodwill, pretty much if I’m walking and I am listening to music there is a lip sync battle taking place. I can’t sing, but I’m great at lip syncing. Anyway, I was walking over and within 2 minutes or so my legs began to become itchy. Shit. I still had a little ways to go before I reached my destination, and the hives had started. I didn’t want to turn back home, because I was on a mission damnit. The itchiness was not because of my anxiety, or other mental health issues, no it was because I’m allergic to the cold weather. So around this time I like to hermit. Sure it does shitty things to my already getting worse mental heath, but at least I’m not having hives.

My depression worsens around Autumn. The seasons change so my allergy to the cold kicks in. Which means I get hives that don’t go away for at least an hour. I always thought it was normal to go outside and be extremely itchy within a couple minutes. I also thought it was normal to faint all the time during puberty. Neither of those things are normal. But I didn’t want to be that person who asks “is this normal?” and have it be normal and then I’m there looking like an awkward human trying to blend in with the wall. I mean it also backfires because I went 22 years going outside always being itchy in the cold weather. As well as fainting whenever I stood up too fast in middle school.

I’ve always been that special child who needs extra attention, but didn’t receive it until it was too late. As a result I have cursed so many unborn children. I feel like a witch in those fairy tales. It’s great. I am on the autism spectrum as well as having Trisomy X. Sometimes its great because I can appreciate those offensive jokes about autism and having extra chromosomes. But it also sucks because I have these issues so learning things is difficult, understanding things takes awhile to stick. Example: It took me at least 10 times to be shown how to make coffee in a coffee pot at my former job. I’m a special potato. I didn’t want to have humans be disappointed or think that I couldn’t do something, so I would say that I understand things, even though I would end up staring at the coffee maker hoping it would tell me how to use it properly, because that was so much easier than asking for help, obviously.

I was going to make this post either about my tattoos and what they mean, or write a Dear Human post. Which is basically me writing a letter to someone who is no longer in my life. Coping skills I learned in therapy. One of the few positive coping skills I learned in group therapy that is. Group therapy is not for everyone, no matter how much humans will tell you to go to group therapy, if you know it’s not right for you, don’t go. I had a premonition of what would happen if I went to group therapy and it ended in me going back to a mental hospital, or jail. Probably mental hospital because I was not mentally stable at the time. And I’ve seen enough Law & Order SVU to know that show is fake, but still I would probably be sent to a mental hospital (again) over jail.

This post ended up being a way to wake me up a tad bit. Having depression means I sleep all the time. I miss having insomnia last year, I wasn’t sleeping all the time. In fact I was rarely sleeping. Ugh depression I either sleep too much or not enough. This is my life.

I can’t move some place warm because I don’t have the funds for that.

When I have insomnia I can’t sleep, even if I want to. Your articles about why sleep is important aren’t helpful.

I can’t smile, it’s against my religion. (I told that to a customer who told me ‘you could at least smile.’)

I have no idea what my sexuality or gender is anymore. I don’t really want to find out, because it’s a surprise for what the day brings.

Here’s a picture of my World Leader: Bobo. Within 15 seconds of me sitting down in a chair  across from him, he was in my lap giving me purrs, kneads, and drooling. He drools when he is happy.
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip bread! Dairy free!! Including the chocolate chunks!
I’m in a winter hat of some animal, a sweater and my lumberjack jacket. It was 52 degrees outside. I was freezing and itchy. My snapchat is amazing. 
If you can’t wait for when my ‘When I feel like it’ blog updates.