Science Lesbian wrote me a Thing

Science Lesbian messaged me about how there was this human guy who had brain surgery, which made him hear things differently. So some human would tell him something and be would hear something completely different. Science Lesbian thought of me and my auditory processing issues. Which totes makes sense. Then we talked about how sitting “like a lady” is obnoxious! 

That is a not-sitting-like-a-lady-saurus. 

Then I mentioned how sitting “criss cross applesauce” is so much more comfortable than sitting with your legs forward. 

Which brings me to the main subject of this post.

Me: For some reason every time I see Lady Gaga’s song “Applause” I think of applesauce.

Science Lesbian: I’m going to rewrite the lyrics. 

Me: I read applause and think applesauce… So I was very confused why she’s singing about clapping for applesauce and SHE DOESN’T MENTION APPLES!!!????

Science Lesbian: sitting in the library rewriting applause to be about wanting applesauce I have a unique life.

THEN SCIENCE LESBIAN SENT ME THE LYRICS!!!!

I stand here waiting for you to make the sauce
To crash the chefs saying, “is it right or is it wrong?”
If only you had a seed, we could plant an apple tree
Thinking of all those apples, I found a field, put it in there
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
I’ve overheard your theory
“Applesauce is for geeks”
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to eat
One second I have apples
Then suddenly it’s applesauce
Applesauce is an art
Now, there’s applesauce in me
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
Ooh sauce, sauce ooh
Sauce, sauce now ooh ooh ooh ooh
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
A-P-P-L-E-S
If anyone could actually make this a cover that would be pretty amazing! Science Lesbian would die of laughter.

~SirChangeling

Why relate a song to that special someone? Relate a song to that special food.

I never understood why people relate songs to other people? My issue is then that song will remind you of that person, what if you don’t talk to that person anymore? Now Listening to that song with either cause, unwanted emotions. I once decided that a song reminded me of a person. It was a horrible decision! So I stopped giving people their own song, the last person I decided needed a song to be related to them was The Greatest Canadian to Ever Canada! He deserves to know that when I listen to Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry I think about how when we were 14 we would sing the lyrics out. The song wouldn’t be playing, however we still got banned from radio play at the building we were in. It wasn’t just us that got banned, it was all the adolescents on that floor. We will not be silenced! The staff banned everyone from hot chocolate mixes as well.

Now when I hear a song (usually a love song) I will think of what food it reminds me of:

  • All or Nothing by O-Town is about potatoes. In the music video those teenage girls are really excited about potato salad. I was eating potato salad at the time, but those teenaged girls in that music video showed as much emotion as was necessary for potatoes. Lyrics for proof: Cause I want it all/Or nothing at all/There’s nowhere left to fall/When you reach the bottom it’s now or never
  • I knew I Loved You by Savage Garden is about Pumpkin Spice Lattes -> PSL. Before the season of PSL started I was YouTubing and I don’t know how I ended up watching the music video for this, but I craved a PSL. I needed a PSL right then and there. However it was July so that wasn’t going to happen. Lyrics for proof: I knew I loved you before I met you/I think I dreamed you into life/I knew I loved you before I met you/I have been waiting all my life
  • All I Do is Win by Ludacris & Friends (it’s actually DJ Khaled who raps this, Ludacris is just one of the friends but this is how the song is named in my iTunes) is about French Fries. The energy in that song is so upbeat, it’s as if everyone just got the fresh batch of fries at some restaurant. That is very exciting! Lyrics for proof: All I do is win win win no matter what/Got money on my mind I can never get enough/And every time I step up in the buildin’/Everybody hands go up/And they stay there/And they say yeah/And they stay there/Up down, up down, up down/’Cause all I do is win win win/And if you goin’ in put your hands in the air/Make ’em stay there French Fries make me fist pump the air and do spirit fingers.
  • A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton is about Girl Scout cookies. After waiting all year for cookies and finally eating half or the whole box in one sitting can be very emotional. Lyrics for proof: And I need you/And I miss you/And now I wonder…./If I could fall/Into the sky/Do you think time/Would pass me by/’Cause you know I’d walk/A thousand miles/If I could/Just see you/Tonight
  • Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinéad O’Connor is about bread. I never thought I would have to experience not loving bread anymore! It was a very emotional time for me when I would turn away from being offered bread. (I need a minute, sorry still upset) I was laying on my bed just shouting “BREAD!” out into the distance of my pathetic-ness state of mind. This song really helped me let it out. My birth giver questioned why I was shouting bread and being pitiful. I told her I’m turned off from bread and I’m mourning. She called me names (you are so weird!) and closed my door. Lyrics for proof: I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant/But nothing/I said nothing can take away these blues/Nothing compares/Nothing compares to you/Nothing compares/Nothing compares to you/Nothing compares.Nothing compares to you After a couple months of this sadness I was able to eat some bread again, it’s going to be hard getting back into my love for bread though..wish me luck!
  • Addicted by Simple Plan is about caffeine addiction. Or rather it’s about how someone wants to be consumed by the addiction of caffeine, but everyone is trying to stop it. Rude. Lyrics for proof: I’m trying to forget that/I’m addicted to you/But I want it and I need it/I’m addicted to you/Now it’s over, can’t forget what you said/And I never, want to do this again/Heart breaker, heart breaker The heart breaker in this case are the people denying the caffeine. Rude just so rude.

~SirChangeling