The Power of Naps

Before nap:

ALL BAGGERS SHOULD BE CURB STOMPED! ERMAHGERD COLD ITEMS GO IN THE COOLER BAGS. DON’T PUT YOGURTS IN WITH THE CEREAL BOXES AND STUFF MY BAGS SO THEY BREAK! ERMAHGERD! WHY DO HUMANS THINK IT’S OK TO BREAK MY BAGS!

After nap:

…ok I suppose the baggers don’t need to be curb stomped….the bag was only 99 cents…

Advertisements
Posted in Life

The Creeper’s Handbook aka This isn’t a Phase, Karen!

Everyone keeps asking, “why do you call yourself Potato?” There are lots of reasons, each new human I meet gets a different answer. My favorite reasons are: 1) I have too many chromosomes 2) I feel connected to Potato memes on Google. 3) Potatoes are awesome.

I was talking to Ginja last month about how I wrote a college final essay titled “The Creeper’s Handbook” I asked him for his email so I could send it to him to read, but he’s all “I’m very private, no one knows my email. Blah blah blah.” Psh typical. I was going to print it out for him to read, but then I had a better idea: I’ll put it on my blog.

I’m very awkward with crippling anxiety, still waiting for this phase to be over, but apparently this is my life meow. So why not add to the social awkward by putting an awkward essay on the internet.

Things to remember while reading:

  • Final Essay for a College class
  • My major was Creative Writing
  • I read some of this aloud to my class of 10 students
  • This is the only essay that I saved from my time in college.

December 7, 2011
WRT 250
Final Essay Portfolio
The Creeper’s Handbook

I’m sitting in my room with my two best friends, when suddenly my stomach rumbles, I look at the time, 8:30pm the dining hall has been closed for an hour, so the only options to go get something to eat are the Lodge or Hannaford’s, but since we don’t want to go drive to Hannaford’s at this time, we walk over to the Lodge and grab a sampler for the three of us to munch on. As we are walking over we can see that the moon is bright and full tonight. The weather isn’t that bad either, some snow on the ground, but most of it is melting, which I am so thankful for, since I don’t like the snow one bit. Or the cold that comes with it. Once we get inside of the Lodge we go order our food and pick out our drinks then go and sit down in the middle of the room, on those green comfy chairs. One of my friends mention that you are here tonight, I don’t see you right away, even though you are in my line of vision, sitting directly across from me. After a moment or two of me looking everywhere, I find you. I’m not going to wave at you because we’re not close at all, I’m more of the girl who just likes looking at you because you’re what I consider “eye candy.” I mention to my friends that I really want your picture, but I don’t think you will let me, so I’m going to take out my camera phone and take a picture that way, without you knowing about it. I look over to my left at one of my friends who is laughing at what I am doing, my friend on my right has her face in her hands, and we’re not being obvious at all. I pull out my phone with the camera in it and point out loudly that there is this text message that I just have to show my friends. I start pressing buttons, turning my phone on to vibrate, so that it won’t make that noise that says, “look here!” when I press the OK button to take the picture, and start setting the camera up. I start zooming in and I just about got the side of your face when you turn your head and I press the button, at the same time. My friends and I start cracking up laughing so hard, I look at my phone and I see your eyes staring right at me, it’s a good picture if I do say so myself. I don’t usually get such a great picture on the first try of the night, but I guess when you’ve been in the business as long as I have (about a year) you get better and better. I’m probably not going to keep this picture for more than a month, but the memory will be with me forever. I’m a full time student, but part time creeper.

The term creeper is slang for an eerie or weird person. There are a bunch of different definitions for the word creeper on Urban Dictionary, one of them being “a person who does weird things, such as staring at you for hours through a window. Usually a close friend or relative. You know right away if this person is a creeper or does creeper things, it’s not hard to spot a creeper.” Another definition of the word creeper is, “someone who views your profile multiple times without saying anything.” The second one is more of a definition for an online creeper, whereas the first definition is for a real life creeper. I guess I could put myself into both of those categories because when it comes to creeping on the Internet, I can honestly admit that if I’m on Facebook and you have your settings so that people can view your pictures, I will be one of those creepers that will look through all your pictures. As for some of the things that I do in real life creeping all I do is take pictures of random people that I find attractive. I don’t use a really high tech camera like some people would do; no I use my phone with a built in camera.

The term stalker has also has a lot of different meanings, Urban Dictionary has one definition being: a person obsessed with another to the point of insanity. Following one everywhere, calling constantly, not following restraining orders, collecting their hair in shower drains. Then another definition from Urban Dictionary is: real stalkers seek out beautiful, interesting, and often famous members of the attractive gender. I am not a stalker, and there is a difference between the two terms. Creeper is what I consider a very toned down version of Stalker, more like a kid friendly edition. Stalkers on the other hand are the people you want to watch out for. I’m not a stalker because stalking would be taking the creeping to the top and actually following the person everywhere, taking pictures of the person all the time, and giving them attention that they don’t want. For me creeping is just some fun game I like to do when I’m bored and I want to entertain myself. Sure I take pictures, but it’s not with over the top, when I do take these pictures it’s always with my phone with the built in camera. I also don’t have a shrine dedicated to these people that I take pictures of. That is just weird, even for me. I’m not the paparazzi or anything like that; I’m just a student with a little extra time on her hands.

I can guarantee that the word creeper is in every middle school student through college students’ vocabulary, and most of them use it in an everyday sentence. The group The Lonely Island probably has something to do with that, with one of their hit songs The Creep. The song is basically talking about how to creep on people and when to do it. One stanza of the song describes how to look like a creep: Well we got a new dance, so get up on your feet/It’s real easy to do and it’s called the creep/Let your hands flop round like a marionette/Pop your knees up and down shaking your neck/Now pull your waistband up like you expecting a flood/And stick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud/Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers/Put this in your speakers, you a certified creeper. The very last line of the song is, “don’t forget to smile.” For me I personally like this song, because I find it hilarious, and I know that all of The Lonely Island’s songs are joke songs, they make fun of people and things, creepers are one of those things to make fun of. The band Radiohead also has a song about being a creeper, their song is called Creep and the chorus of the song is this: But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. /What the hell am I doing here? /I don’t belong here. Although these songs are both about creepers, they are both also very different. Creep by Radiohead was released in 1992, and then nineteen years later The Creep by The Lonely Island was released.

The first time I ever creeped on someone was in college. Before that I was just a random person, who didn’t even think about creeping on people like I do now with my friends. There was this time in the 8th grade, where my science class had to write procedure piece essays, it could be on any “How to” essay we wanted it to be on. I had forgotten to bring in my essay that day to work on it in class, so I started a new one, well a fake one. It was something I could do that day and be productive at the same time, or so I thought. My title was “How to Become a Stalker” my teacher thought that it wasn’t appropriate and took it away before I got half a page done. I however, thought it was funny and entertaining, and I was technically following the directions to the assignment. I had the materials and then the first line of the procedure part. From what I remember the materials were these: binoculars, notebooks, writing implements, and most importantly a camera. For the first sentence of the procedure part it went along these lines, keep well hidden in the presence of your prey. I never finished writing that, I guess even I thought it was something too stupid to continue.

I remember the first time I ever creeped on someone was the fall semester of my freshman year of college. I was in the Lodge with one of my friends, and I noticed this sophomore guy who I thought was really attractive, my friend told me who he was, and for some odd reason I really wanted to have his picture on my phone. So I was thinking about how I was going to go on about doing this, when my friend said, “you know Keely, you could just pretend to show me something on your phone and then take the picture of him instead.” While my friend was saying this she was being sarcastic and laughing. Even though I knew this, I thought it was a great idea and did exactly what she told me, through a step-by-step process. When I finally got the picture I noticed two things wrong with the picture. 1) His back was turned to the camera, so I just got the back of his head. 2) His friend was staring directly into the camera. Which was really intimidating, so I deleted that picture, just as I was about to take another picture, he got up with his friends and left. That picture was just the beginning. Soon after I would begin bringing my camera to the dining hall and take pictures of people, sometimes I would forget that the flash was on. Next thing I would know, people would be staring in my direction with a confused, surprised, shocked look on their faces. At first I wouldn’t understand why this was, but then it dawned on me, most people don’t like having random candid pictures of them being taken as they’re eating. 

There are both pleasures and dangers of creeping. I’ll start with the dangers first, so you know what to watch out for.  One of the most dangerous things about creeping, is if you get caught you have to come up with a reason of why you were doing what you were doing. An example scene would be something such as: I see you across the quad, I’m near Ware, and you are by McKean Hall, thankfully none of your friends are with you. I’m glad because the group of you, you’re all just so intimidating. I want to get closer to you but there is a mass amount of open space and nowhere for me to hide, because I’m obviously not going to just walk up to you like a normal person would, no that’s just not how I function. I notice that you are walking towards Page Hall, I have to make my move, and it’s either now or never. I pretend that I got a new text message, look at my phone, sigh, turn around and start walking towards Sawyer Center. There’s a big, tall tree in the middle of both of us, I look behind me and make a dash for the tree, when I get there, and you start walking in a different direction. I get out my phone and switch it to the camera settings, the thing is though I forgot to turn the sound off, I don’t realize it until I take the picture and by then you are less than three feet away. I have no idea how you became that close to me, but you did. You hear the annoying, high-pitched voice that says. “Look here!” and you turn and are now facing me. You caught me red handed, I have the camera in my hands, lens facing you. I can think of only one option right now, and that is to run away. However you have something else in mind, you narrow your eyes and start closing the distance between us. Instead of running away, like I planned to do, I freeze up and shut my eyes, because if I can’t see you, then you can’t see me. “What are you doing?” You ask, and it’s those four words, which make me know, that I have been officially caught, I suppose there is a first time for everything, right?

That scene is just one of the many options that could happen, thankfully I have never been caught, as far as I know, I mean no one has ever come up to me and asked me, why I was taking their picture without their permission. Another danger than could happen, is that someone could mistake you for a stalker, and get a restraining order against you. That is much worse that having someone catch you taking a picture of him or her unexpectedly. 

I’ll end with the pleasures of creeping, because this essay should have a nice end to it. When I creep I’m usually with my friends, one of my friends said that we should have a name for the three of us, she came up with: The Creeper and the Creepettes. After she said this, all three of us started burst out laughing, this was because of a couple reasons. 1) We were all very giggly. 2) The name itself sounds ridiculous. I can imagine us with the color-coordinated shirts, and Creepette 1 and Creepette 2 written on my friends’ shirts, just like Thing 1 and Thing 2 for Dr. Seuss. We wouldn’t really walk around campus, like that. Honestly that sounds too ridiculous for even me. The pleasure about creeping with friends is that you can share all the memories together. You can joke about how it was funny that one time when you almost got caught, how you were so scared, but then something happened and you were able to get away safely, without someone noticing you. 

One of the pleasures that I remember doing is making a video with my friends. In spring of 2011 I joined an event on Facebook that was called National Hug a Tall Person Day. I went up to this one guy, in the dining hall, who was at least 6’ 2”, one of my friends calls him Tall Freak, because well he’s really tall. He was my first victim- I mean first person to ask if I could get a hug. When I walk up to him asking for a hug, only to get turned down. His reason? He’s not that tall. All this time my friends are recording me asking this guy is I could have a hug, at a nearby table. So my rejection is recorded on camera, and is also on YouTube, because I thought another way to remember these hilarious times is to put them on the Internet. 

I suppose I need to come up with new ways of creeping, since I explained every last one of them right here in this essay. However I don’t creep on unsuspecting people a lot, in fact I don’t remember the last time I creeped on a person. That’s how long it has been since I whipped my camera phone out and started taking pictures of people. I hope you found this paper interesting, and remember the golden rule it’s all fun and games, until someone gets caught, then it hilarious….Unless it is you, which in that case it is not funny at all.

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

Hot Sibling Started Making Moves on Science Lesbian, then we all ALMOST DIED!

This is a very delayed post, however most of my posts are so it’s whatever. On the 21st (last Saturday) I hosted a Mary Kay Pampering party I won it in a raffle. In February(?) I went to a bridal convention in the hopes that I would get lots of free pens and sample free cake, you know, as one does. I only grabbed 2 because there really wasn’t free pens. Total disappointment. Anyway I finally was able to host my party on April 21st, I gave out goodie bags to my guests they’re a prize for being social, and mainly because I love goodie bags!

On 4/20 (heh heh) aka the day before the party, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling (another friend added to the mix! She is Science Lesbian’s bf’s younger sister, so Hot Sibling, duh) arrived. (After the exchange of gifts since that’s what happens with Science Lesbian and myself.) I mentioned that it’s Restaurant Week in Vermont, and I wanted to go out to a place I haven’t been before. Hot Sibling was extremely up for that idea, since she had missed out on Restaurant Week in Maine…or New Hampshire…one of the two…she missed out on a different state’s Restaurant Week so she could make up for it in Vermont. We decided to go to Art’s Riot since they were offering a happy meal which was also came with a toy! A toy with a meal! I was totally in it for the toy.

With my helpful instructions on how to get to Art’s Riot, (“go gayly forward” “make a left” “continue gayly forward” “I don’t know the street names” “go that way”) we managed to find it. Then parking was the next adventure, instead of parking in a non sketchy spot, we chose the sketchiest spot in the area possible: next to a van parked by a river. Hot Sibling mentioned that we should move to a different spot because there was a guy sitting in the van staring at us. Science Lesbian started to back out of the spot and drive closer to the exit. As this was happening, I caught a glimpse of this guy, he was bald, and sitting in the back of the van. Not in the front of the van, or the driver’s seat, nope in the way back, just staring at us. This van was more like a mini camper if that helps you with visuals and such. I mentioned how I could chuck candy at him, in case he didn’t have any to offer. The candy I had was Easter caramel M&M’s, aka discount candy, the best kind!

Dinner was delicious, despite not coming with a toy. The dinner was almost ruined, except we all received a sticker instead of a toy! I gave our waitress stickers, because I am a sticker dealer. I left a note saying how the waitress should follow all of our Instagrams, labeling which account went with each of us, including a small description. “Potato-Sticker Dealer, Blonde with glasses, and Hot Sibling” We have yet to be followed by the cute waitress, my flirting is horrible…

Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling on the way over that she should ask me about interesting penis questions because I will then text Stranger Danger to find out the answer. I ask Stranger Danger all my important penis questions so Google doesn’t judge me. He’s very helpful with my Very Important Questions, (VIQs) I learn so much. The other tidbit Science Lesbian told Hot Sibling:

Science Lesbian: “We’re going to Vermont, Vermont has Ben & Jerry’s. Potato always has Ben & Jerry’s coupins.”
Hot Sibling: Is that a Vermont thing?
Science Lesbian: No, that’s a Potato thing.

During dinner I brought out my Ben & Jerry’s coupins to show off, since a scoop shop was a couple blocks away from our location.

On the way back to the car, I noticed a truck that I don’t remember being in the spot next to us, I asked if it was there before, Science Lesbian and Hot Sibling informed me it was there before. As soon as I asked that the van by the river turned its headlights on as well as started the engine. The creepy fucker was going to murder us! Science Lesbian drove out of the sketchy parking lot, the creepy fucker in the van actually started to drive forward a bit too. I should mention, this van didn’t have license plates on. So there was a creepy fucker sitting in the backseat of an unmarked van by a river.

The three of us made it back to Potato Manor alive, but oh shit that was terrifying!

Here are two photos of Hot Sibling. Appelsin is photobombing the picture on the left.

 

The Mary Kay party was fabulous by the way.

~SirChangeling

My Mind Focuses on the Important Plot Lines

Me: Since vampires are dead, how can they get erections? I’ve been watching True Blood and I have questions, I figured you would know the answers since you are a demon and all.

Stranger Danger: That’s part of what they use the consumed blood for.

Me: Oh. Thanks for the info.

Me: If all vampires are very cold all the time, does that make me a vampire?

Stranger Danger: No. Correlation doesn’t imply causation.

Me: Ok good. Because I get dizzy at the sight of blood. I would be a horrible vampire.

~SirChangeling

 

Posted in Life

“You’re Basically Telling Me to Eat Shit.”

October has come and gone, because that’s just how time works. For Halloween this year, I was a repeat costume: white person in an informercial. It totally counts! …yes I drop things all year round, but on Halloween I get to really go for it. Potato Manor gave out glow sticks because we were the cool house of the neighborhood. The pack of glow sticks came with wands, glasses, headbands, bracelets, necklaces, rings, earrings….I think that was it? Ever since last year when my anxiety convinced me I was allergic to dairy, I realized that giving out toys is a much better idea than candy. When I was a young tot going trick or treating, one house gave coupins for bowling! I wonder if that is where my love of coupins came from?

Science Lesbian visited me for a couple days, it was amazing. Stranger Danger even visited too! So 2 out of my 3 close friends were in the same room with me at once! It was a comforting moment, that I unfortunately don’t get to experience often.

WOWBK: Words of Wisdom by Keely has been alive for 2 years! Well this blog anyway. I came up with the phrase WOWBK in 2013, I’ve been giving words of wisdom ever since I could speak.

Despite the constant nightmares of working on register, I think I have found a way to fight back. Well I hope so anyway. I see it as confronting my fears, but with an edible twist of humor, because that’s how I roll. Science Lesbian and I made a cake, not just any cake, a kitty litter cake. It was disgustingly fabulous. The cake was then delivered to my former job with a note attached saying “Remember when I had to work on register, despite having panic attacks? No hard feelings.”

I’m very proud of my swirly poop. The scoop was new, hence why the sticker was kept on as proof. Last time Science Lesbian visited, we made a boob gayke. Each time she visits we’re going to bake interesting cakes. It is decided! I’ll start a Pinterest board. Our lovely Litter Box was made of chocolate cake with almond buttercream, topped with crushed nilla wafers mixed with powdered sugar, then only the best poop shaped tootsie rolls. Such art!!!

The best time to deliver a kitty litter cake is when the health inspector is at the restaurant, followed by a bus. Timing is everything!

~SirChangeling

P.S. There was a pamphlet in Potato Manor’s door when I arrived home. A church was telling us to join. I told Birth Giver, “should I show up in my horns, asking if they accept friends of Satan?” Birth Giver did not reply….then again I was walking downstairs away from her as I was talking…

V.I.Qs (Very Important Questions) for Stranger Danger

Me: Stranger Danger? Since I have horns on my head and hairy ankles does that make me a furry??

Stranger Danger: No.

Me: Oh, good! I’m so glad I have you to ask all my important questions!

~~~~~~~~

Me: Have you ever noticed in Yaoi manga how the hands are drawn really weird?

Stranger Danger: I actively avoid Yaoi manga.

Me: I can fix that! I’ll show you the good ones.

Stranger Danger: No. *picks up manga*

Me: That is rated “Teen” are you old enough?

Stranger Danger: No, I’m 30.

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

Apparently it’s August

July was a blur, on the 21st Birth Giver and I went to the Great Escape in Lake George, NY. She won free tickets so of course I took the day off from work, to go to an amusement park. The last time I remember going to an amusement park such as the Great Escape was in the 6th grade. I had to get over my fear of automatic flushing toilets, it was either that or pee myself, which in 6th grade is good enough reason to move states. However seeing as that wasn’t an option, plus my bladder was going to explode on me, I had to sit on the toilet and hope I wouldn’t get flushed away when the toilet automatically flushed. Obviously I didn’t get flushed down.

Facebook told me it’s SMIFF’s birthday, like I’m some kind of peasant who doesn’t know the anniversary of when my Soul Mate In Friend Form graced Earth with her presence. She’s 102 according to her Facebook settings. She’s a burger throwing badass so don’t mess with her. (Haha she’ll love that sentence)

I got a kitten in May, I didn’t write a post about her because every time I would ask if she was ready to be exploited on my blog she mewed and ran off. I took that as a “not yet.” We bonded the moment I held her in the store. She fit in my shirt pocket and snuggled into one of my chest pillows. She was still too tiny so I couldn’t bring her home that day, I told her to eat lots, so she’ll be big enough that I can bring her home. As soon as I put her back in the play pen she went right for her food dish.

She hasn’t left my side since the day Birth Giver brought her home to me. She was my 25th birthday present, I don’t think anyone can beat her for the best gift…just saying! I named her Appelsin, which means “orange” (as in the fruit) in Danish. I named my mostly black kitty orange. I was looking for an orange tabby, but when I met Appelsin, we both connected instantly. I’ve had really good luck with black animals in the past. Boobsie is a tuxedo kitty, Orey is black and white, Winnie was black with white markings, and now Appelsin who is all black with a tiny white spot on her chest as well as her belly. I like booping her white spot on her belly….my battle wounds are worth it.

My Instagram @changelingderp has pictures of Appelsin. I love the tag #appelsin on Instagram. Pictures and videos of fruit with sprinkles of pictures and videos of a little black kitty.

My depression has been on the lower side lately, but I’ve been trying to stay positive. Doctor visits, therapy, as well as snuggles with Boobsie and Appelsin are helping.

I wanted to make an update blog post so I didn’t continue feeling bad about myself. I changed the layout, which is pretty much equivalent to making 5 new posts.

As summer is ending, I’m very excited to see all the back-to-school merchandise out. I absolutely hated school, but I loved seeing all the new, cute stationery in stores. Now that I’m not in school, I can soak in the love of cute stationery without the fear of going back to school. I’m not a supporter of telling kids to stay in school, I wanted to drop out in elementary school. That didn’t happen, so I waited for middle school, it didn’t happen. High school was the breaking point, I have no idea how I survived high school. College was fun until I realized that I had to do work…I just wanted to go to the clubs, meet new friends, and buy cute stationery. By clubs I mean anime club, not clubs as in alcohol, skimpy clothing, with loud techno.

~SirChangeling

 

 

Science Lesbian wrote me a Thing

Science Lesbian messaged me about how there was this human guy who had brain surgery, which made him hear things differently. So some human would tell him something and be would hear something completely different. Science Lesbian thought of me and my auditory processing issues. Which totes makes sense. Then we talked about how sitting “like a lady” is obnoxious!

That is a not-sitting-like-a-lady-saurus.

Then I mentioned how sitting “criss cross applesauce” is so much more comfortable than sitting with your legs forward.

Which brings me to the main subject of this post.

Me: For some reason every time I see Lady Gaga’s song “Applause” I think of applesauce.

Science Lesbian: I’m going to rewrite the lyrics.

Me: I read applause and think applesauce… So I was very confused why she’s singing about clapping for applesauce and SHE DOESN’T MENTION APPLES!!!????

Science Lesbian: sitting in the library rewriting applause to be about wanting applesauce I have a unique life.

THEN SCIENCE LESBIAN SENT ME THE LYRICS!!!!

I stand here waiting for you to make the sauce
To crash the chefs saying, “is it right or is it wrong?”
If only you had a seed, we could plant an apple tree
Thinking of all those apples, I found a field, put it in there
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
I’ve overheard your theory
“Applesauce is for geeks”
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to eat
One second I have apples
Then suddenly it’s applesauce
Applesauce is an art
Now, there’s applesauce in me
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
Ooh sauce, sauce ooh
Sauce, sauce now ooh ooh ooh ooh
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
A-P-P-L-E-S
If anyone could actually make this a cover that would be pretty amazing! Science Lesbian would die of laughter.

~SirChangeling

I May Be Ridiculous, But I Don’t Have Cousin Rivalry

Me: So I googled cousin rivalry, since you think I have it with Lynn. There wasn’t anything in the definition that mentioned wanting to sacrifice cousins in order to bring back dead dogs. Therefore I highly doubt I have it. Research happened when I was waiting for my medication to be done. I was getting pissed off since I can’t sacrifice her to bring Bailey back.

Birth Giver: You’re ridiculous.

Me: I was angrily pouting inside.

Birth Giver: Absolutely ridiculous.

(The medication is for my allergy to cold weather)

~SirChangeling

Posted in Life

True Life: Apparently I’m a Grown Ass Woman

I noticed something on my birthday, April 3rd. Despite turning 25, I don’t feel, or rather I don’t see myself as an adult. In fact ever since I turned 18 I never see myself as an adult. I always feel like a child in this strange body. I’ve asked friends if they ever feel as though they are trapped in a body that isn’t their own, not in a transgender way, but as a “yo-this-body-doesn’t-fit-my-age.” Friends have informed me that no they do not feel that way. I let Birth Giver know, and asked if it was part of having Trisomy X, plus being on the Autism Spectrum, she said it is possible.

The event that gave me the epiphany:

~FLASHBACK~

T’was the evening of Monday April 3rd, this vision takes place at a Shaw’s grocery store. All I wanted was a toy in the 75 cent machine. The toy was called “Dogs in Disguises” Despite already having one- Diablo, a white dog disguised as the devil- I wanted to see what my chances were of getting a different one. I put three quarters in the machine and turned. CLICK. Open the flap, no toy. WTF! Shit, now I have to go get my refund of 75 cents. When this happens at Hannaford they give me my refund of 75 cents not problem, it has happened more than once so the workers at Hannaford know the drill. However Shaw’s did not know the drill. The workers at Shaw’s told me they don’t control the toy machines, since they’re controlled through a vendor. I know this, I just want my 75 cent refund. Lady from customer service followed me back to the scene of the crime, aka where robots ate my money. She asked a bagger what to do in this situation, he said he didn’t know, page the manager? Manager was paged, after a few more back and forth conversations, I was finally able to get my 75 cent refund. First I had to fill out a form, because of course I did. I put my preferred last name “Sir-Potato” since the whole ordeal was ridiculous. While this was happening, Birth Giver and her bf were wondering what was taking me so long. In the car ride back Birth Giver said from her point-of-view it was looking like ‘better give this grown ass woman her 75 cents back before shit goes down!’ Oh. This explains the reaction of the workers at Shaw’s, see I saw everything as, ‘humans are being rude! Robots ate my 75 cents, please just give me my refund and I’ll be on my way.’ This whatever it is, also explains the reaction from the bagger and cashier when I was offered the entire roll of stickers at Trader Joe’s one time. IT ALL MAKES SENSE! HUMANS SEE ME AS A GROWN ASS ADULT! SO OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO GIVE ME WEIRD GLARES, WHEN I DO WEIRD SHIT.

~END FLASHBACK~

Since this power of knowledge has absorbed my mind, I of course have been reliving so many embarrassing memories, all of them are when I’m trying to fall asleep. So I’ll be up at night fighting my past memories, it’s difficult to fight them alone, which is why I’m so grateful that Boobsie comes running out of nowhere, to help calm me down. I usually fall asleep petting his fluffy belly, since I am allowed to do so. I also tend to wake up, with my hand still on his fluffy fur.

I think it’s interesting when I let other humans know that I am on the Autism Spectrum. They don’t believe me at first, but why would I lie about that? I’m not a believable liar, I would test lies out on a nosey neighbor, (made up relatives died) I mean there was that one time I convinced an elderly couple that Birth Giver named me Potato when I was born, because when I popped out of her I was such an ugly child. I have no idea how I was able to keep such a still face when telling them this, because every time I retell the memory I am cracking up. I bet it’s because of my great acting…which is like the acting in porn. Cringe worthy. I know I can’t act, which is why I’m always surprised when someone believes a lie. Am I learning how to properly lie? Or am I just magical? Probably magical, I am a changeling after all!

Photo time!

A teddy bear dog (Orey) snuggling a gay leather daddy teddy bear (Bun Bun):

FB_IMG_1491391648999

Boobsie:

hugs!
He’s giving me hugs!
sent to Lucas
I sent this picture to Strange Danger to wish him luck on his shift one night.
20170408_124722
I had some poo on my thumb.

Whenever I do or say something questionable, I tell myself “I’m an adult!” As though to make whatever I just did seem totally acceptable.

~SirChangeling