Science Lesbian wrote me a Thing

Science Lesbian messaged me about how there was this human guy who had brain surgery, which made him hear things differently. So some human would tell him something and be would hear something completely different. Science Lesbian thought of me and my auditory processing issues. Which totes makes sense. Then we talked about how sitting “like a lady” is obnoxious! 

That is a not-sitting-like-a-lady-saurus. 

Then I mentioned how sitting “criss cross applesauce” is so much more comfortable than sitting with your legs forward. 

Which brings me to the main subject of this post.

Me: For some reason every time I see Lady Gaga’s song “Applause” I think of applesauce.

Science Lesbian: I’m going to rewrite the lyrics. 

Me: I read applause and think applesauce… So I was very confused why she’s singing about clapping for applesauce and SHE DOESN’T MENTION APPLES!!!????

Science Lesbian: sitting in the library rewriting applause to be about wanting applesauce I have a unique life.

THEN SCIENCE LESBIAN SENT ME THE LYRICS!!!!

I stand here waiting for you to make the sauce
To crash the chefs saying, “is it right or is it wrong?”
If only you had a seed, we could plant an apple tree
Thinking of all those apples, I found a field, put it in there
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
I’ve overheard your theory
“Applesauce is for geeks”
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to eat
One second I have apples
Then suddenly it’s applesauce
Applesauce is an art
Now, there’s applesauce in me
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
Ooh sauce, sauce ooh
Sauce, sauce now ooh ooh ooh ooh
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
A-P-P-L-E-S
If anyone could actually make this a cover that would be pretty amazing! Science Lesbian would die of laughter.

~SirChangeling

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