Where do I begin? Week 10 of class was very difficult-emotionally wise. I kept trying to go back to the internship each day, I tried so hard but I could only last about 1.5 hours before anxiety ambushes. I had a classmate tell me she saw how hard I tried with each day, having her tell me that helped so much. Anxiety fucking sucks, so to have humans see how much I’m trying to fight back helps a lot.
Facebook is a great place for my anxiety, and by that I mean it’s the absolute worst. I was getting into this pattern of gotta check Facebook, gotta see what my friends are posting. Except Facebook was getting really depressing, posting funny pictures wasn’t helping me anymore, I’d go on Facebook, and just feel bad about myself. So last Wednesday I deactivated my account. I felt a whoosh of freedom, which sounds silly but that’s what it feels like. I now browse reddit, Imgur, Pinterest, and random webcomics. So yes I’m still wasting away on the internet, (I am from there after all) but I’m not depressed of anxious when I’m on sites. I didn’t start Facebook until 2009, because I thought it sounded stupid to join. When I did sign up I had friends tell me “finally you’re on Facebook!” Then for the next 7 years I posted pictures, great statuses, and looked up fellow humans comparing myself to them. That last one is a huge issue for me, as an Autistic Potato* I have overcome so many hurdles, so to compare myself with former high school classmates made my depression and anxiety team up and make my mood worse.
*Don’t get Butthurt because the names I call myself offend you. I don’t give a fuck, why are you offended by names I call myself? I will continue looking at the ground as I walk places, because that’s how I find free money. I’m an Asexual Autistic Potato. Fight me…but not really because I will run away.
Here’s some pictures from my Facebook, I downloaded all the pictures in my albums before I deactivated my account. I might be back on, but hopefully I won’t be.