When I woke up this morning at 10:50 I reached over to my phone to see if I had a response from the last text I had sent. I did. For some reason my mind brought me to questioning if I learned anything in college. Was it completely a waste? Kind of. Was it extremely stressful? Yes. Am I more stressed with all the debt I have? Fuck. But did I learn anything? Yeah (what the text said. See it connects!)
Moose Don’t Back Up
During fire drills campus security would tell the famous speech about how if you see a baby moose on campus “don’t go pet it because the momma is near by and not happy.” I don’t remember anything about fire safety, I remember learning about moose safety. The pros of going to college in the elderly apocalypse of New Hampshire. If you’re driving and a moose decides to say hi to you aim for the butt because moose don’t back up. If you drive in reverse they will probably chase after you then kill you, without feeling sorry. The moose would have to be put down because you didn’t listen and aim for the butt. Save moose on highways aim for the butt.
I will not survive in the zombie apocalypse. I found this out during the week long game of survival. I did last longer than I thought I would. Which is my life motto now that I think of it. I lasted longer than I thought I would. (I knew starting this blog was a great idea!) The night before the game began everyone who was interested gathered in a building learning the rules. To end the meeting we were told that there was an Alpha Zombie who may or may not be outside waiting for us. The way I was turned into a zombie is entirely my fault. I was walking to a class talking to myself, when I walked by someone who looked blind. (She wasn’t blind I later found out) She stopped me to ask if I could help her with something. She tapped me on the shoulder while explaining ho she was the Alpha Zombie. My response: “Fuck! Are you for cereal?” HvZ was a great learning experience for me though. I learned that by trying to be nice I will end up making things worse for myself. This has been proven multiple times in my life. I try to do the right thing, it backfires on me. I don’t seem to learn, since I keep trying to do the right thing, hoping for a better outcome.
During one anxiety attack in the basement of the library during midterms, SMFF told me how college isn’t for everyone. AND THAT’S OKAY! She was the first one to tell me that, no one in my family gave me that support, I had to go to college even though I didn’t want to be there. I did try, but I was getting the same results when I didn’t try. So I stopped trying, it was less stressful that way. I managed to stay another semester and 10 days before I dropped out completely. Life at home felt more stressful than at college, however my one supporter still believed in me and continue to do so! I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, just winging it so far, but my soul mate in friend form has my back while wishing me the best. Just like I have her back while wishing her the best.
I learned this magical handshake called the Turkey Sammich. Whenever someone asks me if I learned anything in college I show them this handshake.
When I look back at my time at college I remember the fun shenanigans with friends, but also crying in my dorm room due to stress, multiple suicide attempts due to failing grades, then sleeping 12+ hours a day due to extreme depression. After dropping out of college I was asked over and over if I ever planned on going back to get my degree? My answer was always shutting down or not leaving my room. I deleted humans off Facebook because I was ashamed for dropping out. I was ashamed I couldn’t tell anyone how I had to drop out, so I deleted friends instead which was easier than explaining. Humans ask me if I ever went to college, now I explaining how dropping out was one of the best decisions I ever did for myself. The second decision was shaving my head.
Don’t tell me how I’ll change my mind in a couple years, because I have thought about wanting maybe going back to college but I remember all the stressful shit, it’s not worth it.