I don’t have a vroom mobile or the certification to drive one.

I never wanted to get my permit for driving. I have absolutely no desire to learn how to drive. However I had to take driver’s ed in high school. In order to take that stupid class I had to go to the DMV and take the written permit test. Yes, thank you for giving me more test anxiety because senior year of high school wasn’t giving me enough already. I was panicking so much I remember asking the human at the DMV desk if an 80% was passing. It was. I was stressing I passed because now I had to take the class.

Driver’s ed was such a stressful class, I didn’t want to be there in the first place then I had to watch all these videos of car crashes to show what could happen. Thank you for showing me videos to give me more anxiety and afraid to go in cars for a couple weeks. I ended up having to do the driving which was one of the most terrifying experiences I ever had to do. I’ve delt with a ton of shit, but driving was definitely up there. At one point I remember the human teaching me how to drive telling me one of the police officers was in the car next to us. Thank you for making my heart start to race even harder. (Remembering this is making my eyes water because ERMAHFUCKINGGERD my anxiety hates me, doesn’t matter that this all happened in spring 2010) At one point when I was driving I hit a pigeon, seeing the bird hit the windshield and not knowing what happened to it afterwards, and having to continue to drive after that, is one of those repeat visions I’m forced to replay over and over for reasons unknown. Side Note: I’m terrified of birds. I hit one of them in 2010 they know, birds are going to kill me one day. When I got back to my high school I told the human that I would email him for more lessons, I let go of the steering wheel from my death grip, managed to get out of the car then book it to the inside of the school. I never made another appointment. Fuck that.

In March 2012 a former friend tried to teach me to drive, which I appreciated at the time, but then it snowed again. I’m scared to drive in the spring I’m not going to drive in the snow. So many past coworkers told me I would be a great driver because I would be aware of everything. I’m not sure that’s the best thing to tell me since I have massive anxiety attacks at any given time. Plus I fall asleep when in a car, car rides make me sleepy.

Since so many humans tell me I should learn to drive.I made a list of why I shouldn’t drive.

  1. Anxiety- I have such massive anxiety that I have thought about what if I’m driving and I have an anxiety attack. My anxiety attacks are intense.
  2. Anger- I have anger issues. If I was driving while pissed off I would try to hit humans that were walking on the side of the road. I thought about it this, I don’t want to deal with the consequences with that, so I’m just not going to learn how to drive.
  3. I walk like a duck- This one also ties in with my anxiety. In 5th grade when the po-po would come into my class to explain the dangers of drunk driving they explained how they will make humans step out of their cars to walk in a straight line. I CAN’T WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE. My feet point outwards this reason is big enough for me to never ever want to learn how to drive. What if the po-po made me pull over because of my shitty driving? What if I had to get out to walk in that line? I can’t walk in a straight line, would they know that I’m not drunk I just can’t walk straight? Probably not since no one listens to me when I’m having a mental break down.
  4. Gas costs money. Cars cost money. I don’t make enough to own a car and deal with the car stuff that comes with it.
  5. I don’t know shit about cars. I ask coworkers and friends what color car they have. If they have a blue car then that’s what kind of car they have. Or if they have a gold car that’s not actually a gold car then they have a magical color changing car. I don’t know about the make or model, what does that even mean??

I renewed my permit 3 times before I decided to just get a non driver’s ID. I only renewed my permit for the ID part.

I forgot the word for ‘car’ so I texted Stranger Danger saying Vroom Mobile. Words are hard.

~SirChangeling

 

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