The only con of having a bald head is shaving it all the time.

I had another BuzzFeed marathon yesterday, one list post stuck out the most. Sometimes while BuzzFeed marathoning I get no fun list posts that connect with me, but I still marathon. That sounds like it has a life lesson in it somewhere, but I don’t want to decipher it. Moving on!

The post was “19 Things Every Woman With Shaved Hair Never Want To Hear Again” I sent the link to Science Lesbian followed up with my responses. I don’t identify as a woman (which only took me 12 years to admit because I procrastinated my gender and sexuality since the 7th grade. I had enough issues I didn’t want to add more) but because of my giant tits I look like one. This past July I shaved my hair and it was the second best thing I ever did for myself. The first was dropping out of college. My hair is getting longer again and it’s pissing me off. When I have anxiety attacks I pull at my hair, already being upset with my hair growing back plus anxiety attacks that ambush me without warning don’t go great together.

Here are the questions and comments that BuzzFeed claims you shouldn’t ask bald women. I agree, unless you want sassy and sarcastic answers.

  1. “You’ll grow it back out right?”
  2. “You look shorter.”
  3. “But what’s the real reason you’ve done this?”
  4. “Aren’t you always cold now?”
  5. “You must save so much time getting ready!”
  6. “Aren’t you worried people will think you’re a lesbian?”
  7. “But what if people think you’re a man?”
  8. “You can’t hide behind your fringe any more.”
  9. “You never have to worry about what you look like now.”
  10. “It’s good you don’t have a weird shaped head.”
  11. “You ok, hun?”
  12. “What the fuck did you do to your hair?”
  13. “It’s a good thing your hair grows fast.”
  14. “What if your hair grows back different?”
  15. “What if your hair doesn’t grow back at all?”
  16. “Can I stroke your head?”
  17. “Please please PLEASE can I stroke your head?”
  18. “I saw this really nice wig that would suit you.”
  19. “RIP, your hair.”

Now here are my responses to the above:

  1. “It grows back in about a month. It fucking sucks because then I have to go get it buzzed AGAIN.”
  2. “You still look stupid.”
  3. “So I can come up with great answers to questions like this one.”
  4. “one summer it was 90 degrees and I was in sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, winter jacket, I had a hat on too because my hair wasn’t doing anything for adding warmth. I’m always cold. I’m baldness doesn’t change anything.”
  5. “No not really. I used to put my hair up in a pony tail, neighed and left the house. Now I just internet before I leave the house.”
  6. “Why is that a worry? Bring out the lesbians!”
  7. “Have you ever been called “Sir” before? It’s amazing! I feel like I’m in a castle.
  8. “What the fuck is a fringe? And why am I hiding behind it? When I close my eyes I am hidden.”
  9. “Never have to worry? Pffft. You’re saying this to the human who dresses up to go to Walmart. I wanna be put on peopleofwalmart.com”
  10. “I’m kind of envious of the cone heads.”
  11. “I’m Fine actually. Fucked up Insecure Noisy and Emotional.”
  12. “Nothing! I paid someone to do this!” (I said this one to my manager when he asked “what did you do to your hair?” when I walked into work after I had my hair shaved)
  13. “It’s a good thing I don’t give a shit about your opinion.”
  14. “I’m going to shave it again. DUH!”
  15. “Please don’t get my hopes up.”
  16. “Can I bitch slap you with a wooden board?”
  17. “Can I find other things to bitch slap you with?”
  18. “I saw this really nice duct tape and paper bag combo that would suit you.”
  19. “RIP, this conversation.”

Would I say any of these other than #12? No, my extreme anxiety makes it so verbal communication can go smoothly or bumpy. Sometimes I can make a sentence with verbal words that makes sense, however that’s very rare. I hate being touched by humans I don’t know. When I worked retail I had those customers do that touch on the arm. I flinched back and told them “don’t touch me” depending on my anxiety level I would not care if I made a scene. Don’t touch me. This goes for everyone, until I give you the okay do not fucking touch me. I don’t care if it’s a hug or a creepy caress on my shoulder. So for the responses to #16 & #17 that’s why my answers got semi violent.

I’m 100% more talk than actions. I’m the type of human that says “fight me” but I’m fleeing the scene when things get too out of control for me. I also say “is that a challenge?” too much considering my anxiety levels.

My relatives told me I don’t really want to shave my hair again, because it’s winter and it’s getting colder. I was completely done with that conversation so I tried shutting them down because I was getting extremely pissed off. Considering I have anger issues I think I handled the conversation well. I told my aunt that I didn’t really care for her opinion, I hate my hair, it’s getting too long. She shut up and I was pleased.

There are going to be other humans who have hair different than yours. They will have fashion different than yours. They will have taste preferences different from yours! Don’t get me started on my hate for bacon! (future blog post :]) It’s easier said than done, but don’t change humans because they have different interests than you!

~SirChangeling

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