Posted in Life

I interviewed myself since no one else would

I have always been one of those strange humans. No not human, I never felt human. Changeling is what I know I am. I’m a Changeling living in a world of humans I know who I am, I just can’t show my true self since this human skin is very constricting. Most of my ideas and beliefs are brushed off to the side for the reason they don’t fit in with the social norm. I know what I’m talking about humans just need to show that open mind they claim they have. I’m getting off track, I’ll write a different post about how I know I’m a Changeling.

When I looked at those teeny bopper magazines I would read it cover to cover, there is information I don’t need that I might miss if I skip around. The embarrassing moments and the Q&A’s always stood out the most for me. I love reading about other human’s embarrassing moments, it’s interesting to see what each human qualifies as embarrassing to them. Embarrassing moments for me are defined right before I try and go to sleep when I review my day and cringe at everything I said to anyone. Why did I say that? Why didn’t anyone smack me? I then cover my face with my blanket to the point where I need to come up for air. When I do something embarrassing I won’t know until later where I suffer alone, honestly this is the best route for me. I won’t sleep at night because I don’t deserve it. My thoughts distracted me again, even writing is hard to escape all these thoughts. I won’t apologize, this is how my mind works. Verbal communication is the worst! If I can’t come up with a word I’ll make some sort of hissing noise and walk off like a cat. (I’d be the black cat in that clip where a manager or coworker would be the orange cat)

Oh no, I became distracted by cat videos. Where was I? Oh yes the Q&A! I googled some interesting questions to ask celebrities, and I picked 10 to ask myself.

What is your favorite food?
Any kind of potatoes! Just no spicy potatoes, I’m too much of a pansy when eating spicy food. In college my Soul Mate in Friend Form recorded a video of me attempting to eat buffalo chicken. The video is great I tried to not taste the chunk of chicken by putting it as far into the back of my mouth as I could. It didn’t work. I can’t eat spicy food.

In your opinion, what is the worst article of clothing?
Bras! Fuck bras! Pants are a close second.

Where is your favorite place to eat?
My house, because I’m not in public so I don’t have to deal with the anxiety of being at a cafe and wondering how long I can stay before the workers wonder when I’m going to leave.

Were you bullied as a kid?
Of course I was! It was always about my weight, nothing else. In 4th grade there was this kid who told me “if you were to sit on me, I would die.” Without missing a beat I responded with so much excitement, “Really? Can we test this theory? I wouldn’t miss you.” He made that face to prove he’s better than me and walked away. I never got to test that theory. However a classmate one time proved that I had thinner fingers than him! He didn’t seem to care he had already put the metaphorical target sign on my back. 4th-11th grade I was the chosen one. In 11th grade I began to fight back I had enough plus the school system wasn’t doing anything about it. I don’t regret anything I said to him. I just wish I started standing up for myself sooner.

Do you know any big gossips?
No, I never know what’s going on around me. I’m always fighting my mind trying to keep the Depression and other mental shit away. So by fighting myself 24/7 gossip doesn’t interest me. It’s not even a good distraction! Talking to or texting my Soul Mate in Friend Form, Science Lesbian and Stranger Danger (3 close friends although SMiFF has a higher ranking) are better distractions. Telling me stupid jokes, sending cat videos, drawing me art (Science Lesbian is having an art show called SHART) I tried to think of any gossip and all I got is: …..

What is the best compliment someone ever said to you?
“Don’t reproduce. I know you, so I feel confident in saying please don’t have kids.” The rest of my day I was smiling, it finally felt like someone understood! (Well besides my Soul Mate in Friend Form) I thought about have offspring once, then I went into a retail store. Two seconds later I was cured!

What are you wearing?
Human skin that never feels like home. My body doesn’t feel like home. Or did you mean fabric wise? Sweatpants and my favorite hoodie that says “Wolfeboro New Hampshire” there’s a moose silhouette between “Wolfeboro” and “New Hampshire”

What question do you hate to answer?
“How are you?” I’m a shitty liar so I just answer with “ehhhh uhhhh ummmmm yep” and walk away. Saying “I’m fine” or “okay” was too vague for people, which lead to more unwanted questions.

What cheers you up?
Humor. Poop/fart jokes will make me instantly laugh. The transition from horrible panic attack to poop joke is scary. I’m trying not to laugh because I’m crying so much from the internal fight but I heard a poop joke! Poop jokes are hilarious! So that crying, snot nosed face must look horrific trying to not smile yet end up laughing anyway. This video makes me laugh so hard I start crying, because I can’t breathe. Ellen Degeneres is my go to comedian for cheering myself up. Of course Soul Mate in Friend Form, Science Lesbian and those unexpected texts from Stranger Danger always bring me back. (The name: Stranger Danger. It’s so stupid, I’m keeping it.)

What is the longest you’ve gone without sleep?
34 hours. I was trying for 50 hours just to see if I could attempt it. I couldn’t. I was told “don’t do it, it’s stupid. Go to sleep” blah blah blah. I decided it was an unspoken challenge that I must try. It wasn’t stupid but I can’t get past being awake 34 hours.


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