Posted in Life

True Life: I quote myself and call it WOWBK

I have been telling friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else who listens my words of wisdom ever since I could talk. Some people might call them “Shower Thoughts” but my shower thoughts are when I finally understand a joke that was told to me at least a month ago. In 2013 while I was working in retail I would tell my coworkers words of wisdom. I decided on the name: Words of Wisdom by Keely or WOWBK so I could save talking before launching into the thoughts. Since I’m not great with numbers, my number system is not really there. I would ask “give me a number” and whatever number was said first would be the number of that WOWBK. Now without further ado, here is the current list of WOWBK:

  • WOWBK #66: The UVM hospital will be where the Zombie Apocalypse outbreak starts in Vermont
  • WOWBK #89: If milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, do smoothies bring all the girls? Either way my yard is very empty.
  • WOWBK #1: Don’t tell people to “go suck a dick” chances are they won’t like it.
  • WOWBK #3: If you think someone is following you, there is a 50% chance you have tape on your shoe.
  • WOWBK #4: If a door says “EMPLOYEES ONLY” and you’re not an employee at that work place that room is not for you.
  • WOWBK #5:  Did you know that if you walk into a room while saying “Light” and the room brightens, there is a 26.4% chance it’s voice activated. Try it out sometime.
  • WOWBK #325: Don’t take Derpies (like selfies but better) while listening to music if you can’t multitask. Parked cars will show up out of nowhere!
  • WOWBK #218: Embrace your awkward! So many people will want to change you, show them how wrong they are and be yourself. Not everyone will agree with you, but humans have different opinions! Get as much experiences for different things as you can. Stand up for yourself, ask your crush out; they might say no which is okay because not everything in life goes as planned, but the stories are pretty awesome to tell later on.
  • WOWBK #99: Cats are the World Leaders that all humans have to respect.
  • WOWBK #22: Instead of watching horror movies I just read blogs about rude customers in retail. I would rather live in a horror movie setting than have customers yell at me over coupons.
  • WOWBK #45: “Would you like a sticker?” Should be the response when the conversation becomes too awkward.
  • WOWBK #923: If you want to stop talking to someone on the phone asap, and don’t mind sounding like an idiot try this: “I can’t find my phone! I gotta go!” Once you hang up your phone, smile without looking back.
  • WOWBK #666: My self defense move for when I’m waiting in the car in a parking lot is just making really creepy derp faces at people. Maybe some grunting noises too. Who is going to kidnap a 23 year old in a car who is hissing and derping at people?
  • WOWBK #79: If someone steps on your foot, step on their foot with the same amount of pressure. Animals are excluded, children however are included.
  • WOWBK #123: When eating a lot of food, if humans ask “are you really going to eat all that?” with a facial expression of disgust, shock, or awe. Reply with: “it’s a talent some are blessed with.” If you have to back down for any reason always blame it on the temperature of the food or the weather somewhere.
  • WOWBK #433: Texting close friends “I lost my phone can you help me find it?” Is a great human past time, the responses can be both amusing and enjoyable. Unless they don’t answer with a sarcastic response line like you were hoping them to do. This is when you pull a Tyra Banks and let them know how they’ve let you down “everyone was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you!”
  • WOWBK #12: It’s hard to text someone when you don’t have their phone number.
  • WOWBK #12a: A scientific calculator is not going to send that text.
  • WOWBK #10: Screaming at a spider will not kill it.
  • WOWBK #565: If there is a bug on your computer screen, and after several attempts to make the bug be gone, move your cursor. There’s a chance it’s the pointer arrow.
  • WOWBK #300: If you can’t handle my derp faces you don’t deserve to see the faces I make when excited for PSL season.
  • WOWBK #17: If you haven’t made an ass out of yourself on the internet or in real life while laughing the entire time you’re doing something wrong.
  • WOWBK #503: The more confused a human’s face is the better the derp. If a human has to step back before they continue walking or flail dramatically that is when you know you did a great job.
  • WOWBK #69: I have Trisomy X Syndrome (I have 3 x chromosomes instead of just 2) so instead of being NSFW, I’m NSFL. I’m not sure if I’m safe for death that hasn’t been experienced yet.
  • WOWBK #500: Just because I delete a sent text message off my phone doesn’t mean it’s deleted off the human’s phone I sent it to. Chances are they still saw the face palm worthy text.
  • WOWBK #7: Every potato should have the right to feel sexy before it’s brutally murdered and eaten. Sexy Potato
  • WOWBK #65: Don’t jokingly criticize a baker’s bread. You might start a bread war.
  • WOWBK #710: Humans don’t think I have a filter, I do though I say what I think is appropriate to say in the given situation. Usually the filter malfunctions, but when words flow correctly I believe the right thing to say was spoken.
  • WOWBK #1021: I hoard uplifting memories like a squirrel hoards nuts in the winter.
  • WOWBK #1017: My mind feels like there is 15 tabs open at any given time. One tab has music playing, pop up ads aren’t blocked, my filters sometimes work, and I can’t close out of the nosleep reddit tab because I can’t find which one it is to close.
  • WOWBK #1023: Those who awkward white human dance in the shower are not only more prone to injuries, but should never test them out in public.

I’m always adding to this list, I have a notebook where I write them down if I remember them.

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