I’m have a hard time figuring out an eye popping title for my first post. This will do.

I suppose this is the introduction post that tells you if you are going to like my blog or not. I suppose I should let you know what I’m going to be doing, what you should expect, and add inspiring photos. I have no idea what I’m doing with anything. I’m the type of mortal who jumps into any situation with what I think is best. Usually not the best idea, however sometimes it works out. I know, I’m shocked too! Here’s a list of 5 WOWBK:

  1. I don’t believe in humans. I believe everyone is some kind of creature we all wear this armor as we try to find someone or some place where we can let our true form out.
  2. When I was in elementary school I would flip through those teeny bopper magazines while wishing I was interviewed so I could tell the world useless information about myself. My favorite colors are black and red.
  3. I live my life hoping to make others laugh. Laughing with me or at me, I just get energy off of laughter. Sometimes no one laughs at my jokes, I’m not too worried though, since I’m the only one laughing most of the time.
  4. Resting Bitch Face (RBF) is a powerful facial feature some mortals have. My powerful facial feature is that I derp naturally. After derpin’ most of my life I find it difficult to make a non derp face. People did warned as a child, “Don’t make that face or it will get stuck!” However that was the wrong string of words to tell me because I began making more and more derp faces hoping one day my face would get stuck. It has. I don’t regret it.
  5. I’ve been called Tina Belcher in real life. Not because I look like a cartoon character, but because I’m incredibly awkward.

As for photos, all photos are inspiring if you believe enough.
~SirChangeling (When I’m called Sir I feel like I’m in a castle)

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My pumpkin chai is now cold it took me so long to write this

I’ve put off writing a blog post long enough, I had legit reasons for why, no motivation, depression increasing, extreme exhaustion, wrist pain, Appelsin sitting on me asleep and purring. I mean that last one I thought that I would never be able to move. Once a kitty lays down on you, you’re pretty much stuck in that position until they get up and leave. As the chosen bed for the world leader you can not get up. Just accept your fate and be proud. Appelsin is sitting next to me as I type this up. Orey is on my shoulder laying on the back of the couch looking out the window…he was there first, then I sat down so of course he had to lean onto my shoulder for support. He’s tubby, which may or may not be my fault, I give him treats because he gives me *those* faces. When I don’t give him a treat, I avoid his eyes, he follows me, continuing to stare at me until I cave. I end up going downstairs where he can’t follow me. We have an understanding, which is why his nickname is Tubby.

Orey just moved to the other side of the couch, I think he can read, he didn’t like the Tubby comment.

I believe it was last month I had this great idea to write a blog post, but I never did. So I’ll write it now.

To set the scene I dropped out of college in the fall of 2012, I lasted 2 years and a week and a half at Colby-Sawyer College. I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did honestly, I had lots of difficulty, not just with the work, but also my mental health. Campus Security was called on me at least twice. One time was because I cut myself with scissors, I didn’t have any plastic knives near me, which was my go to choice, because I couldn’t bring myself to use metal. A former friend called the heath center on me. Another time was because I turned my phone off so Birth Giver ended up calling Campus Security on me, having Campus Security knock on my dorm room was incredibly embarrassing, how I lasted another year was beyond me. This all happened my Freshman year.

I tried really hard in college, a lot of it I didn’t understand. When I would go to the tutoring place I didn’t ask more questions when I should have because I felt guilty for still not understanding the material after it was explained a bunch of times already. I liked some of my classes, but the material didn’t stick in my head. So when the exams came around I would always draw a blank on the answers.

I loved hanging out with my friends, and being in the clubs, I remember I told an upperclassman that I felt like I was at a summer camp the first week. I was having fun, perhaps I’m really good at pretending everything is okay when really it’s not? My Soul Mate in Friend Form was the first one to tell me how college isn’t for everyone. She was there for me during my multiple break downs, particularly one in the library. It was finals and I had waited till the last week because of course I did. I was in the basement of the library trying very hard to hold in a massive panic attack. This was Sophomore year.

I left during Junior year a week and half in, I already missed 2 days worth of classes, I couldn’t leave my room. My depression was getting worse by the minute. I felt extremely guilty being on my friend’s “Worst Roommates List” she hadn’t said anything to me about this, but I just knew I was on there. Plus my grandmother went to Colby-Sawyer College, she was so proud of me getting accepted that I didn’t want to leave or disappoint her. So I continued to suffer because I didn’t want to be the family disappointment.

When I got home I deleted so many college friends off of my Facebook. I was so ashamed for having to leave due to my mental health that I didn’t want to burden my friends. It’s been 5 years since I dropped out. I’m proud of my friends who have graduated, I’m upset that I burned those bridges with some friends, I can’t just “add friend” to a bunch of them because that’s just how I am as a Potato.

For a while whenever my depression and surprise bag of mental illness started to increase (usually around August) I would delete friends off of Facebook because of the fear, embarrassment, guilt, all around depression of not wanting to be a burden to everyone. Then in the Spring I would add them back, or try to. I would also just give up on the adding back, because of the thought of how obnoxious it must be to be deleted then added back.

There was another topic I wanted to do, but I forget what it was, plus this topic took a lot out of me, but it also feels powerful to finally let it out. As I was writing this post outside my window was moving day for a family of squirrels. I watched as Momma squirrel carried at least 3 baby squirrels out of a tree hole, one by one, moving them to another tree out of view from the window. I grabbed some photos and a video.

Left: Momma Squirrel is guarding the tree hole with baby squirrels inside.
Right: Momma Squirrel totally sees me

~SirChangeling

 

Aside

V.I.Qs (Very Important Questions) for Stranger Danger

Me: Stranger Danger? Since I have horns on my head and hairy ankles does that make me a furry??

Stranger Danger: No.

Me: Oh, good! I’m so glad I have you to ask all my important questions!

~~~~~~~~

Me: Have you ever noticed in Yaoi manga how the hands are drawn really weird?

Stranger Danger: I actively avoid Yaoi manga.

Me: I can fix that! I’ll show you the good ones.

Stranger Danger: No. *picks up manga*

Me: That is rated “Teen” are you old enough?

Stranger Danger: No, I’m 30.

~SirChangeling

Apparently it’s August

July was a blur, on the 21st Birth Giver and I went to the Great Escape in Lake George, NY. She won free tickets so of course I took the day off from work, to go to an amusement park. The last time I remember going to an amusement park such as the Great Escape was in the 6th grade. I had to get over my fear of automatic flushing toilets, it was either that or pee myself, which in 6th grade is good enough reason to move states. However seeing as that wasn’t an option, plus my bladder was going to explode on me, I had to sit on the toilet and hope I wouldn’t get flushed away when the toilet automatically flushed. Obviously I didn’t get flushed down.

Facebook told me it’s SMIFF’s birthday, like I’m some kind of peasant who doesn’t know the anniversary of when my Soul Mate In Friend Form graced Earth with her presence. She’s 102 according to her Facebook settings. She’s a burger throwing badass so don’t mess with her. (Haha she’ll love that sentence)

I got a kitten in May, I didn’t write a post about her because every time I would ask if she was ready to be exploited on my blog she mewed and ran off. I took that as a “not yet.” We bonded the moment I held her in the store. She fit in my shirt pocket and snuggled into one of my chest pillows. She was still too tiny so I couldn’t bring her home that day, I told her to eat lots, so she’ll be big enough that I can bring her home. As soon as I put her back in the play pen she went right for her food dish.

She hasn’t left my side since the day Birth Giver brought her home to me. She was my 25th birthday present, I don’t think anyone can beat her for the best gift…just saying! I named her Appelsin, which means “orange” (as in the fruit) in Danish. I named my mostly black kitty orange. I was looking for an orange tabby, but when I met Appelsin, we both connected instantly. I’ve had really good luck with black animals in the past. Boobsie is a tuxedo kitty, Orey is black and white, Winnie was black with white markings, and now Appelsin who is all black with a tiny white spot on her chest as well as her belly. I like booping her white spot on her belly….my battle wounds are worth it.

My Instagram @changelingderp has pictures of Appelsin. I love the tag #appelsin on Instagram. Pictures and videos of fruit with sprinkles of pictures and videos of a little black kitty.

My depression has been on the lower side lately, but I’ve been trying to stay positive. Doctor visits, therapy, as well as snuggles with Boobsie and Appelsin are helping.

I wanted to make an update blog post so I didn’t continue feeling bad about myself. I changed the layout, which is pretty much equivalent to making 5 new posts.

As summer is ending, I’m very excited to see all the back-to-school merchandise out. I absolutely hated school, but I loved seeing all the new, cute stationery in stores. Now that I’m not in school, I can soak in the love of cute stationery without the fear of going back to school. I’m not a supporter of telling kids to stay in school, I wanted to drop out in elementary school. That didn’t happen, so I waited for middle school, it didn’t happen. High school was the breaking point, I have no idea how I survived high school. College was fun until I realized that I had to do work…I just wanted to go to the clubs, meet new friends, and buy cute stationery. By clubs I mean anime club, not clubs as in alcohol, skimpy clothing, with loud techno.

~SirChangeling

 

 

Leveling up in Personal Growth

Last week I decided to contact Shopping Cart, I was thinking about contacting him for awhile, mainly I wanted to hear why he didn’t do anything the night I was molested by his friend as he watched from a couple feet away. I was mentally ready to hear his side. His response: “Nothing happened. You were not molested or sexually assaulted. He put his arm around you. We had some drinks, he smoked, then he left.” Shopping Cart truly believes that nothing happened that night, he’s not in denial, he’s just a shitty human who doesn’t see women as humans, but more of objects. He tried to pimp me out that night, I ended up breaking down crying in the parking lot once I was able to get away. That was pretty much the breaking point for me, however I still wanted to please Shopping Cart, he was very manipulative, whereas I being gullible hung on to his every word.

When he moved to Florida a month later I was at rock bottom of my mental state, I had been off my medication (he convinced me I should go off my meds, because I “didn’t need them, it’s all in my head”) I was fighting with inner demons to get out of the ditch I had closed myself into. I had put so many walls up, which ended up crumbling down within minutes of hearing loud noises. I had so many nightmares about that night of June 12, 2014, I blamed myself for so long, it was obviously my fault, right? I was the one who trusted Shopping Cart, I was the one who went along with the wild side of living life on the edge. No matter how many humans told me it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t believe them. It took months upon months for me to realize that it wasn’t. my. fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. I said “NO!” Multiple times!

I mentioned to SMIFF that I contacted Shopping Cart again, I told her I wanted to see who he was with fresh eyes so to speak, I saw him for who he was, rather than this perfect human my mind kept trying to tell me. I told Birth Giver that I contacted Shopping Cart, her response was “why would you do that to yourself?” It wasn’t exactly the response I was hoping for. However when I told my therapist she agreed that it was a great personal growth for me. Yes, that was the response I was looking for.

Being able to talk to him on the phone, then over messenger video helped me so much, I questioned my past, but also realized how much I changed. Now I would never talk to someone who acts or thinks the way he does. My nightmares of him are gone.

The next day after talking to him, my past self popped back up telling my present self that I should give him another chance:

Past Potato: He was gentle with you during the hookups…
Now Potato: He always had to be drunk first though.
Past Potato: He took you to the bars downtown!
Now Potato: Yeah I had to walk a mile or so to get to his apartment, in the dark only to find out that he had already started drinking, so basically I had gotten into his car while he was shit faced way too many times.
Past Potato: But-
Now Potato: Shut the fuck up, I’m doing great at the moment, I’m working at a job that I love, I scored in the top 3 of CKA taking ServSafe, despite having a concussion! I picked myself up wanting, needing to get better so I can stop being so scared to leave Potato Manor. I am not going to go back to Shopping Cart with his shitty hand drawn tattoos, he doesn’t believe that I was molested! He gave me so much PTSD, I get nervous when I’m around too much alcohol!

It was a loud debate inside my mind, but Past Potato shut the fuck up.

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~SirChangeling

 

Aside

Science Lesbian wrote me a Thing

Science Lesbian messaged me about how there was this human guy who had brain surgery, which made him hear things differently. So some human would tell him something and be would hear something completely different. Science Lesbian thought of me and my auditory processing issues. Which totes makes sense. Then we talked about how sitting “like a lady” is obnoxious!

That is a not-sitting-like-a-lady-saurus.

Then I mentioned how sitting “criss cross applesauce” is so much more comfortable than sitting with your legs forward.

Which brings me to the main subject of this post.

Me: For some reason every time I see Lady Gaga’s song “Applause” I think of applesauce.

Science Lesbian: I’m going to rewrite the lyrics.

Me: I read applause and think applesauce… So I was very confused why she’s singing about clapping for applesauce and SHE DOESN’T MENTION APPLES!!!????

Science Lesbian: sitting in the library rewriting applause to be about wanting applesauce I have a unique life.

THEN SCIENCE LESBIAN SENT ME THE LYRICS!!!!

I stand here waiting for you to make the sauce
To crash the chefs saying, “is it right or is it wrong?”
If only you had a seed, we could plant an apple tree
Thinking of all those apples, I found a field, put it in there
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
I’ve overheard your theory
“Applesauce is for geeks”
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to eat
One second I have apples
Then suddenly it’s applesauce
Applesauce is an art
Now, there’s applesauce in me
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
Ooh sauce, sauce ooh
Sauce, sauce now ooh ooh ooh ooh
I live for the apples, apples, apples
I live for the apple-sauce, live for the apple-sauce
Live for the way that you cook and mash the fruit
The apples, apples, apples
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me applesauce)
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce (Make me applesauce)
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
(A-P-P-L-E SAUCE) Make it real good
Mash the fruits, make me sauce, sauce
A-P-P-L-E-S
If anyone could actually make this a cover that would be pretty amazing! Science Lesbian would die of laughter.

~SirChangeling

Photos of some Noms I’ve made

Since I’ve been forgetting to make great updates on my blog, (despite it being the home page for my internet…so I see it multiple times a day) I’ve decided to just post some of the noms I’ve been making.

  • Dog Cookies with Carob
  • BBQ Sauce
  • Potato Chips
  • Chocolate Fudge
  • White Chocolate Espresso Cake
  • ‘Better Than Fries Potatoes’
  • Chicken Parmesan Bread Bowls
  • Sugar Cookies (Nibble out the hairstyle of your choice)
  • Peanut Butter Fudge
  • Box Mix cupcakes, with vanilla bean buttercreme
  • Whipped Cream on frozen fruit.
  • Momofuku Birthday Cake
  • Taco Stuffed Shells
  • Chocolate Whipped Cream on Chocolate cupcakes

 

I just had all 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out, so I’ll be out of it for the rest of the day. I recently adopted a kitten! So a post about my baby girl will be up soonish.

~SirChangeling

Aside

I May Be Ridiculous, But I Don’t Have Cousin Rivalry

Me: So I googled cousin rivalry, since you think I have it with Lynn. There wasn’t anything in the definition that mentioned wanting to sacrifice cousins in order to bring back dead dogs. Therefore I highly doubt I have it. Research happened when I was waiting for my medication to be done. I was getting pissed off since I can’t sacrifice her to bring Bailey back.

Birth Giver: You’re ridiculous.

Me: I was angrily pouting inside.

Birth Giver: Absolutely ridiculous.

(The medication is for my allergy to cold weather)

~SirChangeling

True Life: Apparently I’m a Grown Ass Woman

I noticed something on my birthday, April 3rd. Despite turning 25, I don’t feel, or rather I don’t see myself as an adult. In fact ever since I turned 18 I never see myself as an adult. I always feel like a child in this strange body. I’ve asked friends if they ever feel as though they are trapped in a body that isn’t their own, not in a transgender way, but as a “yo-this-body-doesn’t-fit-my-age.” Friends have informed me that no they do not feel that way. I let Birth Giver know, and asked if it was part of having Trisomy X, plus being on the Autism Spectrum, she said it is possible.

The event that gave me the epiphany:

~FLASHBACK~

T’was the evening of Monday April 3rd, this vision takes place at a Shaw’s grocery store. All I wanted was a toy in the 75 cent machine. The toy was called “Dogs in Disguises” Despite already having one- Diablo, a white dog disguised as the devil- I wanted to see what my chances were of getting a different one. I put three quarters in the machine and turned. CLICK. Open the flap, no toy. WTF! Shit, now I have to go get my refund of 75 cents. When this happens at Hannaford they give me my refund of 75 cents not problem, it has happened more than once so the workers at Hannaford know the drill. However Shaw’s did not know the drill. The workers at Shaw’s told me they don’t control the toy machines, since they’re controlled through a vendor. I know this, I just want my 75 cent refund. Lady from customer service followed me back to the scene of the crime, aka where robots ate my money. She asked a bagger what to do in this situation, he said he didn’t know, page the manager? Manager was paged, after a few more back and forth conversations, I was finally able to get my 75 cent refund. First I had to fill out a form, because of course I did. I put my preferred last name “Sir-Potato” since the whole ordeal was ridiculous. While this was happening, Birth Giver and her bf were wondering what was taking me so long. In the car ride back Birth Giver said from her point-of-view it was looking like ‘better give this grown ass woman her 75 cents back before shit goes down!’ Oh. This explains the reaction of the workers at Shaw’s, see I saw everything as, ‘humans are being rude! Robots ate my 75 cents, please just give me my refund and I’ll be on my way.’ This whatever it is, also explains the reaction from the bagger and cashier when I was offered the entire roll of stickers at Trader Joe’s one time. IT ALL MAKES SENSE! HUMANS SEE ME AS A GROWN ASS ADULT! SO OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO GIVE ME WEIRD GLARES, WHEN I DO WEIRD SHIT.

~END FLASHBACK~

Since this power of knowledge has absorbed my mind, I of course have been reliving so many embarrassing memories, all of them are when I’m trying to fall asleep. So I’ll be up at night fighting my past memories, it’s difficult to fight them alone, which is why I’m so grateful that Boobsie comes running out of nowhere, to help calm me down. I usually fall asleep petting his fluffy belly, since I am allowed to do so. I also tend to wake up, with my hand still on his fluffy fur.

I think it’s interesting when I let other humans know that I am on the Autism Spectrum. They don’t believe me at first, but why would I lie about that? I’m not a believable liar, I would test lies out on a nosey neighbor, (made up relatives died) I mean there was that one time I convinced an elderly couple that Birth Giver named me Potato when I was born, because when I popped out of her I was such an ugly child. I have no idea how I was able to keep such a still face when telling them this, because every time I retell the memory I am cracking up. I bet it’s because of my great acting…which is like the acting in porn. Cringe worthy. I know I can’t act, which is why I’m always surprised when someone believes a lie. Am I learning how to properly lie? Or am I just magical? Probably magical, I am a changeling after all!

Photo time!

A teddy bear dog (Orey) snuggling a gay leather daddy teddy bear (Bun Bun):

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Boobsie:

hugs!

He’s giving me hugs!

sent to Lucas

I sent this picture to Strange Danger to wish him luck on his shift one night.

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I had some poo on my thumb.

Whenever I do or say something questionable, I tell myself “I’m an adult!” As though to make whatever I just did seem totally acceptable.

~SirChangeling

Aside

Morning Conversation with Birth Giver 

Me: When I die I want to be….uhhhh I forget the word…

Birth Giver: Cremated?

Me: No

Birth Giver: Stuffed?

Me: Yes, but the other word for it.

Birth Giver: Taxidermied.

Me: Yes. As well as a basket full of the chocolate cake from work.

Birth Giver: That’s really creepy. “Here have some chocolate cake from my dead daughter.”

Me: It has to be the good chocolate cake though!

Birth Giver: Okay, here have some of the good chocolate cake from my dead daughter.

Me: Exactly!

~SirChangeling

Mad Libs: Bringing Horrible Humans Together 8

The Princess and the Pea

There once was a prince named Stranger Danger. His mother, Queen Potato, summoned many princesses to meet him. But none were dicy enough. Then one night, during a wet storm, the prince heard a loud knock at the car. He opened it, and there stood a fair maiden, soaking wet but as beautiful as a summer’s light. It was love at first battery. The girl said she was a princess, but the queen was doubtful. Luckily, she had a way to make sure. She took the girl to a fuzzy bedroom where she had piled mattress upon mattress until they almost reached the ceiling. Underneath, she placed a tiny ball joint. If the young woman felt the pea through the mattress, she was really a tall princess. Sure enough, the next morning, the maiden complained that she was unable to sleep because the brown bed was so uncomfortable. The prince married her and they lived quickly ever after in Oil n Go.

~SirChangeling